tucky | IC contact for lastvoyages

i would love to hear a story

Anton's the sort of man who takes everything very seriously. I think it's related to his magic; he's a Gist user - all his determination and hatred and rage combine and are released as a ghost like image that destroys everything - it's a dangerous discipline, if you let out the Gist for too long it takes control and the real person is reduced to a spirit living inside a monster. Whatever the cause, he often verges on solemn. Larrikin loved to wind him up, whispering jokes during dangerous missions or making wild claims and insisting he seriously believed them.

There was this one mission, all the Dead Men together. Imagine the scene: it's 1850, the last three days have been spent huddled in a French field. Everyone's wet and hungry, excluding Skulduggery, and waiting for the order to strike. Suddenly, Larrikin decides it's Anton's birthday and nothing can be said to dissuade him. Anton's trying to argue with him while everyone else is practically falling over from laughter.

Our targets are passing by. And Larrikin starts singing a happy birthday song and tries to give Anton a hug. Now, Anton is not a hugging type of person. Larrikin's going for the hug and Anton's grabbing him to keep him quiet and they end up in an intense, but completely silent, wrestling match. Finally, Anton gets him into a chokehold so he's lying there in the mud, face turning red, and then he manages to pull out a very crushed bun. He'd been hiding it for three days. He stuck a candle in it and declared it was Anton's birthday cake.

That was the only time we ever saw Anton Shudder smile while on a mission.

[She could ask what Gist is, or why they were laying low in a field, or who their targets were. But she doesn't. The story is perfect even without explanations.]

Somebody I'll tell you a story back, when I'm not so fucking tired.

It'll be something to look forward to.

Ghastly used to say that's why we won the war. Not because of that mission but because of those moments. We were fighting for our friends, we were willing to die to for them. The other side, they were fighting to bring back their gods but more importantly they wanted to be there when their gods returned, to rule the world. They weren't willing to sacrifice themselves and so miss out on their share. There was no companionship, no trust.

We came together and we won and having those friends is what allowed us to stay sane through to that victory.

[He smiles, growing less serious.] And he accused me of being too flowery.

Edited (sorry, mix up in sentence order) 2016-02-11 01:43 (UTC)

It's fucking sappy. I like sappy, though.

I'll admit that I have a little soft spot for sappiness, too. He was always a romantic, though he tried to hide it.

Why, because it wasn't manly?

[He laughs a little.]

No, that was never his hangup. Not with his mother. It was more the fear of being hurt, I told you about his curse. He was sensitive, he saw how people reacted to him and I think part of him was always afraid of being rejected.

Not that there wasn't any element of not wanting to come off as soft, we were soldiers after all.

Yeah. There's times and places where being soft can get you hurt.

A lot of times and places, the world is hard place. I've always admired people who've managed to keep hold of that softness.

Have you?

I'm not sure I ever had it. If I did, no.

Really? You don't seem totally hard to me.

What do you think it means, to be hard?

Not empathetic. Not caring.

I wouldn't say I'm without empathy or that I don't care. I suppose for me it means more of an acceptance of the gap between my ideals and what I have to do to live in the world as it is.

Do you think you're soft?

I think I got softness and hardness. So I guess I'm both.

That's the best way to be, soft enough to still care but hard enough to give yourself a little protection.

Is that how you are?

I try. I can't always be the man I'd like to be but never for no reason.

Who do you want to be?

It's less about who I'd like to be and more that I don't always like the choices I have to make but I became the person who had to make those sort of choices. Not really how I imagined myself when I was a kid.

Do you know who you'd like to be?

I don't got it all figured out yet, but yeah, I think so. I got an idea.

And who's that?

Someone who listens but still has her own opinions. Someone who learns but still stays true to herself.

IC contact for lastvoyages

[text; backdated to a couple days after the bombings]

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