tucky | IC contact for lastvoyages

Luckily the Enclosure means being in space doesn't deprive us of the joy of nature. We could go on a little camping trip; wake up at four to hunt our own breakfast, hike for the next eight hours, train for a while -

[He breaks off as he's laughing too hard to continue.]

You are crazy. I'm calling him to come snap my neck right now and put me outta my misery.

There's no escape, death just means you need extra practice.

[He drops the serious expression he had managed to muster for a few seconds and grins at her.]

I suppose we could postpone any training until the afternoon, because it's you.

[She pretends to be talking to someone else on another line.]

Hey Alfie, it's Tiffany. I was just thinking we could schedule you killing me after all. Maybe for next Tuesday? That'd be-- oh no, wait, nope, never mind. Erskine said he'd postpone training 'till the afternoon, so I don't need to be killed after all.

That's the other great thing about my training methods. Give a recruit to Ravel, they used to say, and in a couple of days they'll be leaping onto the battlefield. Ready to give everything they had so they wouldn't have to come back for round two.

I'm not gonna stand for this.

Well technically you'd be crawling, the obstacle course starts with a muddy creak bed you have to get through on your stomach.

Maybe I'll take over and train you instead.

What your training?

I don't know, I just like the idea of you crawling through the mud.

I would like you to know that I am a master at crawling through the mud. And I come out looking good. If you like swamp monsters.

Can you crawl through... hot lava.

As an instructor I feel it's my duty to show my students that I can do anything that I'm asking them to do. I'm sure you feel the same.

You mean you're gonna ask me to go through hot lava?

If you think it necessary to the learning process...

[Have some dramatic choking sounds, Erskine.]

[Tiffany has started the drama off, the consequences are totally on her. He gasps loudly and there's a thud as he falls to his knees.]

She's gone, she's gone! Good God, how could you have let this happen. My soul finds itself torn asunder, how can I go on? In this moment I understand all that she meant to me. Those long weeks ago when we first met, how could I know that her departure would take all the light from my life? Now I must go on, just the shell of the man I once was! Will joy ever again touch my heart?

[And now she's laughing.

From beyond the grave.]

I can still hear her laughter, remnants of that great spirit. It touches the darkness in my heart that I thought could never feel again after her passing. Yes, I understand what I must do. I will do it for you Tiffany, so in whatever distant land you have traveled to in death you can rest. I shall institute a Barge wide training program - in your name. Truly, you will not be forgotten.

Get rid of Zero, too.

Zero will be replaced by a special treat - getting to carry me on your back while you run up a mountain.

What if you commit a crime.

Then you'll be forced to stay in bed till at least ten and be barred from training that day. Actually, after saying that I'm not sure if I can think of a crime severe enough to merit such a punishment.

Mm.

I'm gonna enable you to commit a lot of crimes now. What do you think, blowing up the pool?

Blowing up the pool sounds like a good start. Changing the coffee to decaf or stealing all the alcohol might be a little too dangerous.

IC contact for lastvoyages

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