people like us, we don't need that much

Hey, y'all. I been thinking about some stuff lately - about powers. I don't have any and I never did, except for Admiral powers and except for one time when I thought I had some of my own - but that's another story.

They're just kinda all over the place here, I noticed. Arthas had his, and he tried to kill the whole Barge. And I know wardens hurt people with their powers sometimes. I've seen it. And we got inmates who don't have any powers at all, but still hurt and kill people. It's like I was telling someone earlier - it ain't like the Barge is safe when inmates have powers, and dangerous when they don't. It's a lot more complicated than that.

I got two inmates I been talking to, Lourdes and Pietro - and they want their powers back 'cause they don't feel right and whole without 'em. And I don't blame 'em, if I'm gonna be real honest. I maybe would have, before I was a warden, but now I got a different perspective. We're letting parts of people be locked away, and how's anyone supposed to trust us if we do that and don't care?

But maybe it ain't right to just give 'em back without thinking about it, neither - 'cause some of the powers are dangerous, and all of us'd be affected if something happened. So we decided that since they don't got wardens of their own, we're gonna talk to the whole Barge about it and see if any of y'all got objections. Or-- or questions or concerns. Stuff like that.

Pietro's got super speed, and super senses so he can see things okay when he's using his super speed. Lourdes can control people's bodies, and their minds, and even the chemicals inside 'em. Now, that's a whole fucking lot - so she's mostly what I wanna talk about today, I guess. We got Iris and Jean and all those guys who can protect people from stuff like that, but it can still be dangerous. So we're asking you.

Everybody gets a say.

( filtered to Lourdes )

( filtered to Barbara, Cain, Dillon, Eggsy, Iris, Jean, Letty, Lloyd, Lydia, Ricki, Roderick, Simon, Tig; dated to after the post has been up for a while )

[The rips had closed up days ago, but Tiffany doesn't trust that right away - people were still missing and there was clearly something weird going on down at the port, so she refrains from acting like everything is over and done with yet. When people start appearing back on the ship, however, she tentatively lets herself start to believe that things really are winding down... which leads to another problem, for her.]

So, uh… during all that, I had some trouble, and Mason took my soul out of my body for a little bit, so I wouldn't be in pain and couldn't get hurt. He was great, by the way; a fucking badass - strong and brave and fighting monsters. He saved my life. He was a hero.

Y'all tell him that the next time you see him, okay?

[He revels in compliments and praise the same way she does; she has a feeling he'll like it.

And it’s so, so tempting to just focus on that and end the post right there - to do something similar to what she did after the jaeger breach and just gush about how so many people had helped her, and how nice it feels to know she has them in her corner. To just ignore the uncomfortable parts in favor of the good.

But it wouldn’t work as well the second time, and for once, she isn’t sure she’d want it to.]

But when I was out of myself, I tried to go inside a monster, and it-- I didn't really do it, but I almost did, and I felt its soul. It was the worst thing I have ever felt in my life; it was worse than dying in my dreams during that flood. It felt evil, and now my soul feels tainted.

[It isn't, really - luckily for her, any aftereffects from the experience are all in her head.]

I died a lot and then I did that, and I'm worried my soul is turning bad because of it. I don't got any real evidence, so it might not be, but... I think I would appreciate it if someone could check, or try to do an exorcism on me. Just in case.

[She smiles a twitchy smile that doesn't reach her eyes.]

I ain't panicking this time, like I did before. But if there's something wrong with me, I wanna get it fixed.

Thanks.

( filtered to Simon )

( filtered to Cambridge )

( filtered to Ricki )

[warden filter]

I got a question. Merlin--

[Nope, she can't do it that way. Just saying his name out loud makes her breath hitch, because even though it's just a name, it had represented something. She hadn't had to call him "Officer" or "Mister"-- he had let her call him by his given name, as if they were friends or equals. She'd thought they were friends and equals. But then he'd just told her that they weren't, and that he couldn't continue to let her think otherwise. He hadn't yelled or insulted her, but after months of being in awe over how friendly, open, and warm the wardens here were, his detached coldness had cut far worse than anger would have.

So she takes a breath and continues, her voice steady but her tone distant.]

My warden. He said he ain't gonna hang around with me so much anymore, 'cause he thinks I take advantage-- trying to get stuff, or being too friendly; I don't know. We've been real good friends in the past, I think, but he don't want that anymore. He wants to try a different way. He don't want to be my warden at all anymore, actually.

[She's trying hard to sound matter-of-fact, but in her head she's replaying every conversation she's had with or about Merlin-- every time she's given off the impression that he's overly permissive or generous, or allowed someone to believe that to be the case. With John when he'd first arrived (You want stuff? Ask the wardens.). With Mason in the infirmary (So you jus' give her everything she wants? Best of friends, you are?). While bickering with Dark (You get a warden to change your room yet? They're real nice if you're nice to them.). Countless more times besides.

It really had happened a lot.]

So I'm just wondering how that's gonna work out. Am I unpaired? Do I get someone new? Or is he gonna still be stuck with me even though he don't want me?

I got to thinking about the wardens in a way he didn't like, I guess; that's what he said the problem was. But the rest of you that I know don't seem like you mind it.

[Unless they're just humoring her. She doesn't think they are-- but then, she hadn't thought Merlin was, either.]

... Yeah. That's all.

[Click.]

( filtered to Dillon, Iris, Mason, and Simon )