♻ 011 | audio

[tucky]

I got a question. Merlin--

[Nope, she can't do it that way. Just saying his name out loud makes her breath hitch, because even though it's just a name, it had represented something. She hadn't had to call him "Officer" or "Mister"-- he had let her call him by his given name, as if they were friends or equals. She'd thought they were friends and equals. But then he'd just told her that they weren't, and that he couldn't continue to let her think otherwise. He hadn't yelled or insulted her, but after months of being in awe over how friendly, open, and warm the wardens here were, his detached coldness had cut far worse than anger would have.

So she takes a breath and continues, her voice steady but her tone distant.]

My warden. He said he ain't gonna hang around with me so much anymore, 'cause he thinks I take advantage-- trying to get stuff, or being too friendly; I don't know. We've been real good friends in the past, I think, but he don't want that anymore. He wants to try a different way. He don't want to be my warden at all anymore, actually.

[She's trying hard to sound matter-of-fact, but in her head she's replaying every conversation she's had with or about Merlin-- every time she's given off the impression that he's overly permissive or generous, or allowed someone to believe that to be the case. With John when he'd first arrived (You want stuff? Ask the wardens.). With Mason in the infirmary (So you jus' give her everything she wants? Best of friends, you are?). While bickering with Dark (You get a warden to change your room yet? They're real nice if you're nice to them.). Countless more times besides.

It really had happened a lot.]

So I'm just wondering how that's gonna work out. Am I unpaired? Do I get someone new? Or is he gonna still be stuck with me even though he don't want me?

I got to thinking about the wardens in a way he didn't like, I guess; that's what he said the problem was. But the rest of you that I know don't seem like you mind it.

[Unless they're just humoring her. She doesn't think they are-- but then, she hadn't thought Merlin was, either.]

... Yeah. That's all.

[Click.]

[filtered to Dillon, Iris, Mason, and Simon]

Hi. Just wondering how y'all are doing.

[Behind the filter, she lets down her defenses a little bit more; she sounds not just subdued, but weary and sad. Merlin has removed himself from the little clique she's mentally formed for herself, and so she's reaching out to the remaining "members". Her warden's resounding rejection hurts, and she wants to reassure herself that none of the rest of them-- the wardens especially-- feel the way he does.]

Comments

[youwillgotohell]

[ah fuck she's Merlin's inmate. Morgana's kicking herself for not realizing that sooner, but that gets pushed aside quickly.]

He said that?

[Because even with the veritable canyon of history between them, she's pretty sure that isn't like Merlin.]

[tucky]

Mm, yeah. He did.

[Still going for a blasé tone here.]

I guess I can't be too surprised, right, 'cause this is prison. Even though it don't always seem like it.

[youwillgotohell]

I'm surprised.

[tucky]

You never been to prison, right? 'Cause... this ain't really that bad, as far as things go. He's still nicer than all my old guards.

[The difference is that she'd hated those guards at worst and been apathetic towards them at best; with Merlin, she'd thought she'd formed a genuine connection.]

[Private]

[irishrotter]

He said what?

[Simon isn't okay. Simon is furious. But for her sake, he stays calm for the moment, forcing his voice to softness.]

I'm fine. Where are you?

[Private]

[tucky]

Just my room, right now.

[Private]

[irishrotter]

Can I come and see you?

[with_my_teacup]

Hnn.

[Well that's odd.]

You can get unpaired by putting in an official request, sometimes, if the Admiral's in the right mood that day. Did he say if he did that?

[tucky]

No, he hasn't yet-- I mean, he hadn't when I talked to him. But he said I should have a different warden, so he's probably going to.

[with_my_teacup]

...yeah that's odd.

[Private]

Done anything questionable he could just now be finding out about? Not judging; I made an escape attempt and let a warden get tortured as an inmate, bar for shocking me is high. Just wondering if this is some psychic bullshit, or a real thing. Did you change or did he, I wonder.

[Yeah SOMEONE remembers when Alpha reprogrammed his brain.]

[leavetreadmarks]

Seriously?

He seriously said that?

[tucky]

Yeah, when we were having our lunch.

I guess we're not doing that anymore.

[leavetreadmarks]

That's...

[Not like him.]

Did something happen?

[Private]

[maced_eggs]

The fuck? You being unpaired, Tiffy?

[Private]

[tucky]

He said he doesn't want to be my warden anymore. Said I need to stop thinking of him as a friend and trying to get things from him.

You asked him if he would hurt me and I made it sound like a dumb question; I said he would never do that. But then he did. You were right; I'm sorry.

[Private]

[maced_eggs]

...The fuck he didn't.

I'll flog his bloody lights out.

[routemistress]

He what now?

[Iris is in her laboratory, doing something obscure involving a rack of small glass tubes; when she speaks she places a tube back into the rack forcefully enough to break it.]

That little jug-eared streak of piss, I'm going to pull 'is 'ead off and piss down the stump. Where is 'e?

[tucky]

[Welp, she's unsure of how to feel about this. She's heartbroken and confused, but not angry-- so she isn't feeling particularly violent towards Merlin herself.]

I don't know.

You can't do that, Iris; you'd get demoted.

[routemistress]

Just watch me.

[Even when Iris isn't bent out of shape by a psychic parasite she's not very good at sticking to rules.]

I'm not 'aving you pissed about with, Tiffany. That lad's getting a piece of my mind.

[changeitroundsome]

[He doesn't like Tiffany, but he hates Merlin more. So, lucky her, he'll answer this for a change.]

Enjoy your freedom, then, if he's gonna be a petulant child about it. Might be the Admiral will pair you again, might be he won't.

[tucky]

[Her eyes flicker with surprise when he replies-- and more surprise when he doesn't berate or mock her.]

It's not freedom. I care about him, and I like having a warden.

I like having him as my warden.

[changeitroundsome]

Well, from the sounds of it, he didn't like being your warden.

Chances are that's just him, though. You're an annoying little brat, but wardening ain't supposed to be easy. We ain't here to be changed overnight. Can't blame you if his [finger quotes here] friendship don't work.

[badgerms]

Guy assigned to me fucked off home. [He really doesn't care about Kieren going, it's more an example. His tone says so what.] Wardens ain't here to be your buddy. They're just here 'cause they want somethin'.

[tucky]

That's what he said. Except for the deal part; I don't even know what his is.

[badgerms]

The fuck does it matter what it is? Guess he thinks you're a lost cause. Whatever he's here workin' for, he ain't gonna get it if you can't graduate.