tucky | ♻ 011

Entry tags:

♻ 011 | audio

I got a question. Merlin--

[Nope, she can't do it that way. Just saying his name out loud makes her breath hitch, because even though it's just a name, it had represented something. She hadn't had to call him "Officer" or "Mister"-- he had let her call him by his given name, as if they were friends or equals. She'd thought they were friends and equals. But then he'd just told her that they weren't, and that he couldn't continue to let her think otherwise. He hadn't yelled or insulted her, but after months of being in awe over how friendly, open, and warm the wardens here were, his detached coldness had cut far worse than anger would have.

So she takes a breath and continues, her voice steady but her tone distant.]

My warden. He said he ain't gonna hang around with me so much anymore, 'cause he thinks I take advantage-- trying to get stuff, or being too friendly; I don't know. We've been real good friends in the past, I think, but he don't want that anymore. He wants to try a different way. He don't want to be my warden at all anymore, actually.

[She's trying hard to sound matter-of-fact, but in her head she's replaying every conversation she's had with or about Merlin-- every time she's given off the impression that he's overly permissive or generous, or allowed someone to believe that to be the case. With John when he'd first arrived (You want stuff? Ask the wardens.). With Mason in the infirmary (So you jus' give her everything she wants? Best of friends, you are?). While bickering with Dark (You get a warden to change your room yet? They're real nice if you're nice to them.). Countless more times besides.

It really had happened a lot.]

So I'm just wondering how that's gonna work out. Am I unpaired? Do I get someone new? Or is he gonna still be stuck with me even though he don't want me?

I got to thinking about the wardens in a way he didn't like, I guess; that's what he said the problem was. But the rest of you that I know don't seem like you mind it.

[Unless they're just humoring her. She doesn't think they are-- but then, she hadn't thought Merlin was, either.]

... Yeah. That's all.

[Click.]

[filtered to Dillon, Iris, Mason, and Simon]

Hi. Just wondering how y'all are doing.

[Behind the filter, she lets down her defenses a little bit more; she sounds not just subdued, but weary and sad. Merlin has removed himself from the little clique she's mentally formed for herself, and so she's reaching out to the remaining "members". Her warden's resounding rejection hurts, and she wants to reassure herself that none of the rest of them-- the wardens especially-- feel the way he does.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Don't bloody care, do I? There's no call for him saying those things to you. An' they're not true, either.

Mm.

They're his thoughts though, right? If he don't want me then he don't want me. He thinks I fucked up too much.

Well, he's fuckin' wrong then, isn't he? An' he ought to know it.

Yeah. I--

[Her voice breaks.]

Mason, he was a real good warden and I love him. I don't understand this at all.

I don' fuckin' understand it either. I'll get to the bottom of it, though, Tiff, don' you worry.

Please don't cry.

Can't help it.

I don't know if there's anything to get to the bottom of.

Well, either he's a shit warden or he's having a shit time of it an' he's taking it out on you. That's got to stop.

I guess it will, because he's going to go away.

[She doesn't know how she feels about that.]

But until he does, he says I have to keep working with him in the infirmary even though he doesn't like me anymore.

[She definitely knows she doesn't like that.]

Do you want to still be with him in the infirmary?

No. Seeing him makes me feel real sad right now, but I don't think I got a choice.

... And there ain't nothing wrong with crying, you know. It don't make me weak; it's a healthy expression of feelings.

So don't bloody go. You've got a choice. What's he going to do, put you in Zero?

...'Course. Sorry.

He could. I don't know what he's gonna do.

And you don't got to be sorry. Do you wanna come and watch a movie with me in the common room? I won't cry on you or anything.

Don't go, then. He can't force you. Don't go.

...Ah, yeah. Yeah, I could do that.

What if he did put me in Zero? I don't want to end up down there again; I really, really don't.

Okay; you can come whenever you want.

[Curling up on a couch with someone sounds highly appealing to her right now.]

Then I'd get me warden to let you out. He's got no call doing that.

Right. On me way, then.

Thanks, Mason. That makes me feel better.

[And it does, kind of.

But now she'll turn off her communicator and wait for him in the common room-- lying on her back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling.]

[Mason, upon arrival, flops over the back of the couch on his stomach, peering at Tiffany]

Ello.

Hey.

[Her eyes are red-rimmed and her cheeks a little tear-streaked, but true to her word, she isn't crying. There's a small pile of DVDs sitting on the coffee table, grabbed at random from the library-- The Shining, Titanic, The Lion King, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and more.]

Couldn't decide what to watch.

-- Mason, do you think less of me?

[For getting upset, for crying, for relying on her warden too much. For anything.]

Mmn. Mmn mn mn.

[He says, as he looks over the movies. Not bad, Tiffany. Mason hauls himself over the couch's back, flopping down beside her]

My opinion of you has not diminished in the slightest, Tiff.

... You're amazing.

[She says this without thinking; then, when she remembers that he seemed to really like being complimented before-- they have that in common-- she grabs onto his hand repeats herself.]

You're fucking amazing. I'm so glad I met you.

What do you wanna watch?

[He raises his eyebrows with a grin, pleased beyond punch at the compliment. No, Mason doesn't get called amazing all that often. He lets his hand go to Tiffany]

Am I really? Amazing?

Ohh, I dunno. Whichever you like, I'm not much for cinema. More of a concert-goer meself.

I don't know which one I want. I'm sick of deciding things.

[She tucks her face down against the crook of his neck, brushing her thumb over the back of his hand.]

You are really amazing. Amazing and gorgeous and spectacular.

That's fair. All right, but honestly, Tiff, I don't know a bloody thing about movies.

[He stretches his arm up around Tiffany to wrap around her shoulder, giving a bit of a smirk]

You're the only one who thinks so. Thanks, love. You smell me? I've been showering.

[She presses her nose a little closer and inhales.]

Yeah. You smell nice. Didn't think you smelled too bad before as long as it was just sweat, but... yeah, showering is good. I like how you smell.

[And she doesn't really want to move from her current, very comfortable position, so she's going to try to do this without having to. Eyes closed, she stretches her arm out and grabs the leg of the coffee table, pulling it closer so she can reach both the DVDs and the DVD player from the couch. Then she grabs blindly for a movie, coming up with Ferris Bueller.]

Mm'kay, got one. Never seen it before, but... it don't really matter.

Nah. I didn't shower all that often, wasn't used to it. I was always told showering too much was bad for you.

[Mason gives a bit of a grin, watching Tiffany operate all this]

Darling. You do know that I'm not going anywhere, correct?

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]