♻ 011 | audio

[tucky]

I got a question. Merlin--

[Nope, she can't do it that way. Just saying his name out loud makes her breath hitch, because even though it's just a name, it had represented something. She hadn't had to call him "Officer" or "Mister"-- he had let her call him by his given name, as if they were friends or equals. She'd thought they were friends and equals. But then he'd just told her that they weren't, and that he couldn't continue to let her think otherwise. He hadn't yelled or insulted her, but after months of being in awe over how friendly, open, and warm the wardens here were, his detached coldness had cut far worse than anger would have.

So she takes a breath and continues, her voice steady but her tone distant.]

My warden. He said he ain't gonna hang around with me so much anymore, 'cause he thinks I take advantage-- trying to get stuff, or being too friendly; I don't know. We've been real good friends in the past, I think, but he don't want that anymore. He wants to try a different way. He don't want to be my warden at all anymore, actually.

[She's trying hard to sound matter-of-fact, but in her head she's replaying every conversation she's had with or about Merlin-- every time she's given off the impression that he's overly permissive or generous, or allowed someone to believe that to be the case. With John when he'd first arrived (You want stuff? Ask the wardens.). With Mason in the infirmary (So you jus' give her everything she wants? Best of friends, you are?). While bickering with Dark (You get a warden to change your room yet? They're real nice if you're nice to them.). Countless more times besides.

It really had happened a lot.]

So I'm just wondering how that's gonna work out. Am I unpaired? Do I get someone new? Or is he gonna still be stuck with me even though he don't want me?

I got to thinking about the wardens in a way he didn't like, I guess; that's what he said the problem was. But the rest of you that I know don't seem like you mind it.

[Unless they're just humoring her. She doesn't think they are-- but then, she hadn't thought Merlin was, either.]

... Yeah. That's all.

[Click.]

[filtered to Dillon, Iris, Mason, and Simon]

Hi. Just wondering how y'all are doing.

[Behind the filter, she lets down her defenses a little bit more; she sounds not just subdued, but weary and sad. Merlin has removed himself from the little clique she's mentally formed for herself, and so she's reaching out to the remaining "members". Her warden's resounding rejection hurts, and she wants to reassure herself that none of the rest of them-- the wardens especially-- feel the way he does.]

Comments

[tucky]

I don't know, I didn't ask why. But he said I was part of why he was leaving. Leaving the ship.

Why're you being all civil to me? Did Mason ask you to?

[changeitroundsome]

Wait, he's leavin' alltogether? That little shit still has my talisman!

[He is NOT letting it go off to whatever backwater world Merlin comes from. No way, no how. Somewhere in his seething, he realises he's been asked a question.]

No. Mason can't actually get me to do things I don't want to. [Mostly. ] I just think Merlin is more of a pain in the backside than you are.

[tucky]

He's not a pain.

[She isn't sure why she still feels compelled to defend him. Maybe it's just habit.]

What kind of talisman?

[changeitroundsome]

He seems to think you are, why defend him?

[He gives a shrug. ]

I'd tell you, but it'll probably set you off.

[tucky]

I don't know.

... If he was gonna give you something it couldn't've been that bad.

[changeitroundsome]

Maybe you should consider not doing that, if he's so quick to do that to you.

It's harmless. It's been shattered, I can't do anything with it, but it's still mine. He decided he had the right to keep it from me, even after he plucked it outta my memories, durin' that dream business.

[tucky]

Then maybe it's not so harmless after all.

[changeitroundsome]

It wasn't harmless, but it can't do anythin' anymore. Magic can't just be pulled outta nothing. If it could, I wouldn't still be stuck here.

[tucky]

It's nice here. It's still nice, just a little less now.

[changeitroundsome]

We're still trapped here, and as you've just proven, we're bound by the whims of our wardens. They decide we're done with us, are we back to step one again, because whoever our next one might be would have a different idea of what 'redemption' means? The whole thing is a joke.

[tucky]

You know, all the inmates keep telling me it's about redemption. But no warden's ever said that to me at all. They say it's about learning how to make your life better.

[changeitroundsome]

By changing who you are, essentially.

'Sides, for some of us, our lives can't get any better. Even if I passed whatever tests they got here, and I went home, my life wouldn't be any better. In fact, it'd be worse, because I wouldn't do what I'd need to to survive.

[tucky]

Why? What do you do?

[changeitroundsome]

Just peddle my wares for folk that need it. But that's not what's important. What's important is that I'd never get out of living a penniless existence. I could come outta here smellin' like roses and I'd still have to scrape by to eat every day.

[tucky]

If you graduated, you could be a warden and wish for a lot of money. That's what I might do.

[changeitroundsome]

[He...hasn't actually considered that possibility.]

...That's one way'a lookin' at it.

[tucky]

It's a good idea. I didn't have any money before, either.

[changeitroundsome]

And money is power. It's the only thing folk'll pay attention to.

[Then, bitterly: ] That and whatever colour your skin happens to be.

[tucky]

Yeah, but I've noticed it ain't like that here at all, so why don't you like it here?

[changeitroundsome]

Because I'm still expected to improve. That somehow who I am, ain't good enough.

[tucky]

Sounds to me like you're looking at it the wrong way.

[changeitroundsome]

[That gets a sardonic chuckle. ]

My warden keeps tellin' me that, too.

[tucky]

So listen.

[changeitroundsome]

Might be I choose not to. 'Less you haven't noticed, I'm stubborn.

[tucky]

Probably don't got much reason to complain, then.

You really don't like anything here? At all?