tucky | IC contact for lastvoyages

[Dryly.]

That is incredibly unhelpful. Even for someone like me, who isn't exactly in a rush.

I know. I'm sorry. But it's the only answer I got.

I know and it's not your fault we're all dancing to the Admiral's tune.

Seriously, I'm not bothered by being stuck here but I'm concerned for some of the other inmates.

I am, too.

Blowing stuff, killing people - teenagers are used in wars and it's not good for them. The difference in consequences doesn't make it any better.

I don't know if Toad was used or not. I haven't asked; he ain't up to talking to me.

I don't mean used in the sense of forced or following someone else's plan, I don't know Toad so couldn't begin to guess. It's more being exposed to and surrounded by a certain type of mentality.

There ain't a way to avoid that on the Barge the way it is now.

And that's part of the problem. You can't take back the experience of killing someone just because the person comes back to life.

At least he's got friends. A friend, anyway. He ain't alone.

I hope his friend can help him deal but I can't really believe in a system where murder is part of positive growth.

I don't think it is. I just think it ain't avoidable.

But I don't believe in the system either.

It's rarely avoidable.

...Ha, and I was just talking about choices I wish I hadn't had to make.

I have to make them here a lot. I had to make one just a couple days ago.

You thinking of any choice in particular, or just... all of 'em?

Teenagers being used in war.

What choice did you have to make?

A friend of mine got hurt in all that, and he wanted to know why. Motives and stuff. He wanted me to find out for him.

Did you find out for him?

I found out. But I told him I wouldn't tell him, and I didn't.

The person I wanna be isn't somebody who asks people stuff so I can spread it around. Even to somebody who deserves to know.

That sounds like a good choice, one that didn't betray the person you want to be. And I could be attributing false motives to your friend, based upon people I've known in the past those questions, together with an injury, sound like the sort of thing you want to know before you start seeking a little payback.

If that's what he's looking for, I can't blame him for that any more than I blame Alfie for wanting to take a strike at the wardens. My friend's an inmate. He didn't sign up for this.

You might not blame him but it's better to avoid getting caught up in it. I'm sure he'll find out all he wants to know quickly enough, it's not like they were particularly subtle.

Alfie'd probably tell him if he asked. I don't know if he's going to.

I told him I wouldn't ask and report back before I knew it was Alfie, though. For all I knew it was somebody who wouldn't've told him.

Still, it's not your duty as a friend or as a warden to report on someone else. Well, maybe some people would think it is your duty as a warden but probably not to an inmate.

I wouldn't do it for a warden, either.

I think I made the right choice; I ain't worried about that. But I am feeling like I let my friend down. It's one of those things were even the right choice wasn't a good one, you know?

Feelings are hard. I don't think you should try to separate emotions from choices, I don't think it's even possible. Still, and this is just me, I might say that it was a good choice that wasn't enjoyable to make. Did your friend act like you let him down?

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