IC contact for lastvoyages

[tucky]

[If I don't have an active post up, feel free to use this post to have your character call, videochat, text, or knock on Tiffany's door.]

Comments

[beejfu]

I'm freaked out. Hange is right, I don't have a plan, and I'm going to end up probably hurting whoever I get.

[tucky]

Me and Hange are really different people, and she probably wouldn't like me saying this to you, but you know what?

I never have a plan until I need to.

[This isn't quite true, but she has a narrower definition of "plan" than Hange likely does.]

[beejfu]

[he breaks into an amazed, stunned laugh]

No kidding?

Okay.

Weirdly that makes me feel way better.

I just...all this responsibility, and planning, and the "you'll mess this up, why are you back if you don't have a plan."....really does a number on your self esteem.

[tucky]

I've hurt people before. By accident. I'm not saying it's never gonna happen. But-- I think the easiest ways to hurt inmates here when you're a warden are by being dismissive, cruel, and untrustworthy.

[beejfu]

I am done being all those shitty things. That was me as an inmate. I'm here to be interested and kind and trusting.

[tucky]

Good. Just being that isn't gonna make you good for everybody, but I don't think that's possible, anyway. But I think it'll make you less likely to hurt people.

You should still listen to what Hange says, though, even if you decide you don't agree. And it's okay if you decide you don't agree with me, either. And you should definitely listen to the perspectives of inmates that talk to you.

[beejfu]

Well, I know that. Hange thinks I don't listen but that's a total lie.

[tucky]

Why does she think you don't? Because sometimes you don't agree?

[beejfu]

I keep retreading the same argument over and over hoping for a new answer.

[tucky]

Oh.

Sounds like you're listening, you're just being a pain in the ass about it. Are you gonna try to stop doing that?

[beejfu]

[he looks a little miserable about it, but nods]

[tucky]

... You know, she really cares about you a lot, even if you don't want me using the l-word. I can tell.

[beejfu]

[he huffs, slumping down]

Yeah. I know. She shows me.

[tucky]

And that's good, right?

[beejfu]

Yeah. Yeah, it just..

I don't know. I can't make her love me.

[tucky]

[Tiffany pauses for a moment, at a loss for words; she has a very romanticized view of warden/inmate relationships to begin with, and that strikes her as very sad. But he's also not wrong, so--]

Yeah.

But caring very much ain't nothing, right? And you're not unloved.

[beejfu]

[he nods, more firm now that he's encouraged about it]

Rhysball loves me. And Rosie told me I have a home with her. And Hange DID invite me back if I wanted. That's showing she cares.

[tucky]

She does for sure. Like I said, I don't even know her that well and I can see it.

... You know. You remind me of me, a little bit.

[beejfu]

Yeah?

How so?

[tucky]

I think we, like-- deal with it differently, but I wasn't ever used to feeling loved, either.

[beejfu]

[he nods, a little, and stretches an arm out around Tiffany's shoulders comfortingly]

Sucks, doesn't it?

[tucky]

[Awww. She leans into him a little.]

Yeah, but that gets better, too. I used to be really desperate, and I don't feel like that anymore.

[beejfu]

What used to make you desperate?

[tucky]

Anyone being kind to me, at all, for any reason. Even if it was only a little bit, or if they had bad intentions; I didn't notice or care. I would just hang on.

[beejfu]

Hey; I feel that. I used to make clones of myself just so I'd have someone to talk to. I didn't care if people didn't wanna be around m, I wanted to be seen.

Guess this place changed the both of us.