♻ 015 | video

[tucky]

[The rips had closed up days ago, but Tiffany doesn't trust that right away - people were still missing and there was clearly something weird going on down at the port, so she refrains from acting like everything is over and done with yet. When people start appearing back on the ship, however, she tentatively lets herself start to believe that things really are winding down... which leads to another problem, for her.]

So, uh… during all that, I had some trouble, and Mason took my soul out of my body for a little bit, so I wouldn't be in pain and couldn't get hurt. He was great, by the way; a fucking badass - strong and brave and fighting monsters. He saved my life. He was a hero.

Y'all tell him that the next time you see him, okay?

[He revels in compliments and praise the same way she does; she has a feeling he'll like it.

And it’s so, so tempting to just focus on that and end the post right there - to do something similar to what she did after the jaeger breach and just gush about how so many people had helped her, and how nice it feels to know she has them in her corner. To just ignore the uncomfortable parts in favor of the good.

But it wouldn’t work as well the second time, and for once, she isn’t sure she’d want it to.]

But when I was out of myself, I tried to go inside a monster, and it-- I didn't really do it, but I almost did, and I felt its soul. It was the worst thing I have ever felt in my life; it was worse than dying in my dreams during that flood. It felt evil, and now my soul feels tainted.

[It isn't, really - luckily for her, any aftereffects from the experience are all in her head.]

I died a lot and then I did that, and I'm worried my soul is turning bad because of it. I don't got any real evidence, so it might not be, but... I think I would appreciate it if someone could check, or try to do an exorcism on me. Just in case.

[She smiles a twitchy smile that doesn't reach her eyes.]

I ain't panicking this time, like I did before. But if there's something wrong with me, I wanna get it fixed.

Thanks.

[filtered to Simon]

... Hey, Simon. Hi.

[filtered to Cambridge]

Maybe when we do our next therapy meeting, we can talk about this? About dying and stuff. I don’t…

I don't think I’m handling it too well.

[filtered to Ricki]

Can I talk to you?

[warden filter]

Comments

[spam]

[tucky]

[Tiffany answers, still looking pretty drawn and stressed.]

Hey.

You bring it?

[spam]

[ichoosefight]

[ Steph understands, and doesn't feel they're familiar enough with each other for her to ask about it. She deals well with her own injuries, but they're still painful.

She holds the little pack out. ]

Yup! I'll show you how to use them. I got a hold of a staff for you, but it can be hard to find the buttons.

[spam]

[tucky]

You gonna show me right now, or later?

[spam]

[ichoosefight]

Right now, if you have the time. Things are still a little tense, and there's not much point to having a weapon if you can't use it.

[spam]

[tucky]

Yeah, I got time. We gonna go somewhere, or do it here?

[spam]

[ichoosefight]

Whichever. I'm not too worried about you hurting someone accidentally or making a mess.

[spam]

[tucky]

We can just stay in here.

[She starts rooting through the backpack.]

... Before, you asked me if he was okay now. Mason.

[spam]

[ichoosefight]

Yeah?

[ She steps in so she can close the door behind her. This sounds like one of those serious talk things. ]

[spam]

[tucky]

And I weren't lying when I said he was. But feeling like shit didn't go away because of it.

[spam]

[ichoosefight]

Yeah. [ She shoves her hands in her pockets, watching Tiffany a little sadly. ]

It won't. Maybe ever.

[spam]

[tucky]

That's terrible. I don't want to feel like this forever.

[spam]

[ichoosefight]

It gets easier to deal with. You have to try not to focus on it too much.

[spam]

[tucky]

How?

[spam]

[ichoosefight]

Honestly? Practice.

[spam]

[tucky]

I don't want practice with stuff like that!

[spam]

[ichoosefight]

In my experience, logic doesn't change anything. But it really isn't your fault.

[spam]

[tucky]

He doesn't think it was, either.

[spam]

[ichoosefight]

Yeah, well he's not the one torturing himself.

[spam]

[tucky]

I don't think I'm torturing myself... am I?

[spam]

[ichoosefight]

You kinda really are.

[spam]

[tucky]

... I don't think I feel tortured.

[spam]

[ichoosefight]

Oh, don't worry, you will if you keep brooding like this long enough.

[spam]

[tucky]

I just don't know if I'm cut out for this place, is all.

[spam]

[ichoosefight]

[ She smiles wryly. ]

You'll be okay, as long as you've got people looking out for you. Even superheroes need friends sometimes.

[spam]

[tucky]

I have a lot of friends here - and Merlin, and Mason.