tucky | ♻ 015

[The rips had closed up days ago, but Tiffany doesn't trust that right away - people were still missing and there was clearly something weird going on down at the port, so she refrains from acting like everything is over and done with yet. When people start appearing back on the ship, however, she tentatively lets herself start to believe that things really are winding down... which leads to another problem, for her.]

So, uh… during all that, I had some trouble, and Mason took my soul out of my body for a little bit, so I wouldn't be in pain and couldn't get hurt. He was great, by the way; a fucking badass - strong and brave and fighting monsters. He saved my life. He was a hero.

Y'all tell him that the next time you see him, okay?

[He revels in compliments and praise the same way she does; she has a feeling he'll like it.

And it’s so, so tempting to just focus on that and end the post right there - to do something similar to what she did after the jaeger breach and just gush about how so many people had helped her, and how nice it feels to know she has them in her corner. To just ignore the uncomfortable parts in favor of the good.

But it wouldn’t work as well the second time, and for once, she isn’t sure she’d want it to.]

But when I was out of myself, I tried to go inside a monster, and it-- I didn't really do it, but I almost did, and I felt its soul. It was the worst thing I have ever felt in my life; it was worse than dying in my dreams during that flood. It felt evil, and now my soul feels tainted.

[It isn't, really - luckily for her, any aftereffects from the experience are all in her head.]

I died a lot and then I did that, and I'm worried my soul is turning bad because of it. I don't got any real evidence, so it might not be, but... I think I would appreciate it if someone could check, or try to do an exorcism on me. Just in case.

[She smiles a twitchy smile that doesn't reach her eyes.]

I ain't panicking this time, like I did before. But if there's something wrong with me, I wanna get it fixed.

Thanks.

[filtered to Simon]

... Hey, Simon. Hi.

[filtered to Cambridge]

Maybe when we do our next therapy meeting, we can talk about this? About dying and stuff. I don’t…

I don't think I’m handling it too well.

[filtered to Ricki]

Can I talk to you?

[warden filter]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[A lot of this kind of goes over his head - Gene's still really not sure of what to make of like, 90% of the weird stuff that goes on here, because it's just so far beyond what he knows back home - but he sort of understands what it's like to feel like your soul's been tainted.

Of course, his feels less literal, in some ways. He's never actually had his soul physically torn out of him. To the best of his knowledge.]

You talked to Dillon at all, since it happened? [It's a cautiously offered suggestion, because he's not actually sure if Dillon would know how to fix it, or be up for it after what happened to him.]

Hey.

[He's been keeping a little bit of distance from her since the exorcism. Now that the sha is out of him, he can admit that she has other people around her that can take care of her for a while, and he's been letting them. He can't say he's still angry, exactly, but... really, he doesn't know how he feels, and spending half a week rabid hasn't helped his thought process any.]

I'm sure you're okay. I think all the possessions are over.

Yeah, I know. But I still wanna get checked out, I think.

Are you okay? Are you m--

[Mad at me.]

... I wanna know if you're okay, first.

I'm okay.

[Short, simple. Careful.]

Yeah, but I wasn't thinking about it too much then. I was too focused on other stuff, you know?

[She'd felt she had to block it out - this, and her feelings about dying - to survive, and the instinct hadn't been a bad one.]

Good.

Are you disappointed in me?

[She's mostly talking about sending Merlin to exorcise him, but is also thinking a little bit about this current situation too. Simon is a religious man; she knows he might have the same reservations about soul removal and possession that she does.]

Disappointed?

[It's certainly not the adjective he would use; it's not the one he expected from her, either.]

For messing with my soul, for messing with monsters, for... well, you know, right?

My warden took the parasite out of you. It was because of me that he did that. I wanted to help, but I know you don't like him much.

Cup of tea?

Yes.

[She sounds immeasurably relieved that he suggested it.]

You can come to my room, if you want. I only got one chair, but you can have it.

I can have a look at you.

[Merlin's actually slept by this point, yay. He still looks tired, but nowhere near so bad as anyone suffering a stacked Death Toll, and he's smiling gently.]

I was hoping you were gonna say that.

I'm in my room.

[He goes via the dining hall and taps on the door. His other hand is looped through the handles of two mugs of cocoa; it's not tea, but he finds it a bit more indulgent and energising and that's what everyone seems to need right now. (And maybe a lifetime without processed sugar means it made a pretty strong impression on him.)]

Tiffany? It's me.

Edited 2015-04-18 22:12 (UTC)

Door's unlocked.

[But she stands anyway, not sure if he'll be able to exorcise her when she's sitting down. She's looking better, all things considered; she's been able to rest some too, but her sleep hasn't been without dreams of multiple deaths (some of which are still influenced not by this most recent port, but by the flood last January) towering monsters, and mutilated not-quite-boyfriends.]

[He lets himself in, nudges the door shut behind him and offers out a mug.]

I brought hot chocolate? It's been helping me feel better, it might help you too. Here.

Yeah, it will. Thanks.

[She smiles as she takes the cup from him. Tea might be symbolic, but hot chocolate is more sugary, and that's awesome.]

You have this where you come from?

[He shakes his head and takes a sip.]

We don't have cocoa - or sugar, the way you have it here. We use honey or fruit to make things sweet.

You sound real deprived to me. Even we got sugary stuff in prison sometimes.

[Not a lot, but still.]

So how are we gonna do this? You want me to stand, or...?

Just warn me first, so I can put the cup down.

You can sit, it's alright.

[He sets his own down nearby and takes a step closer, crouching down in front of her.]

For what it's worth, though, I don't think anything's going to happen.

[She puts her cup on the nightstand, sitting down in the armchair.]

It'll make me feel better if we try.

[She hopes.]

I know. Try to relax.

[He sets his hand lightly on her shoulder and breathes out the words - ]

Yfel gaest ga thu fram thisselichaman.

[ - but he knows there's nothing to come of it. The reach of his magic finds nothing inside her that ought not be there, no darkness to illuminate. The glow fades from his eyes and he lets his hand fall away, and he just smiles and shakes his head.]

[She waits. And waits. And then waits a little more.

Nope, still nothing.

She feels the same. She'd known she would, really, but it's still disheartening to have that confirmed. It wasn't as if she'd wanted to be possessed, but it had been tempting to explain away everything she's feeling right now - confusion, discomfort, fear - as symptoms of a possession, and to try to make herself believe that once that was cleared up, she'd be completely back to normal again.

She sighs heavily, dropping her chin into her hands.]

... Okay. Thanks anyway.

[Merlin's smile is replaced by a faint, worried frown.]

You sound disappointed.

[She raises her eyes to meet his.]

I still feel wrong. Dirty. If that ain't 'cause I'm possessed...

You're still healing. It's been an awful week, and it's only barely ended.

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