♻ 015 | video

[tucky]

[The rips had closed up days ago, but Tiffany doesn't trust that right away - people were still missing and there was clearly something weird going on down at the port, so she refrains from acting like everything is over and done with yet. When people start appearing back on the ship, however, she tentatively lets herself start to believe that things really are winding down... which leads to another problem, for her.]

So, uh… during all that, I had some trouble, and Mason took my soul out of my body for a little bit, so I wouldn't be in pain and couldn't get hurt. He was great, by the way; a fucking badass - strong and brave and fighting monsters. He saved my life. He was a hero.

Y'all tell him that the next time you see him, okay?

[He revels in compliments and praise the same way she does; she has a feeling he'll like it.

And it’s so, so tempting to just focus on that and end the post right there - to do something similar to what she did after the jaeger breach and just gush about how so many people had helped her, and how nice it feels to know she has them in her corner. To just ignore the uncomfortable parts in favor of the good.

But it wouldn’t work as well the second time, and for once, she isn’t sure she’d want it to.]

But when I was out of myself, I tried to go inside a monster, and it-- I didn't really do it, but I almost did, and I felt its soul. It was the worst thing I have ever felt in my life; it was worse than dying in my dreams during that flood. It felt evil, and now my soul feels tainted.

[It isn't, really - luckily for her, any aftereffects from the experience are all in her head.]

I died a lot and then I did that, and I'm worried my soul is turning bad because of it. I don't got any real evidence, so it might not be, but... I think I would appreciate it if someone could check, or try to do an exorcism on me. Just in case.

[She smiles a twitchy smile that doesn't reach her eyes.]

I ain't panicking this time, like I did before. But if there's something wrong with me, I wanna get it fixed.

Thanks.

[filtered to Simon]

... Hey, Simon. Hi.

[filtered to Cambridge]

Maybe when we do our next therapy meeting, we can talk about this? About dying and stuff. I don’t…

I don't think I’m handling it too well.

[filtered to Ricki]

Can I talk to you?

[warden filter]

Comments

[spam]

[ichoosefight]

Honestly? Practice.

[spam]

[tucky]

I don't want practice with stuff like that!

[spam]

[ichoosefight]

In my experience, logic doesn't change anything. But it really isn't your fault.

[spam]

[tucky]

He doesn't think it was, either.

[spam]

[ichoosefight]

Yeah, well he's not the one torturing himself.

[spam]

[tucky]

I don't think I'm torturing myself... am I?

[spam]

[ichoosefight]

You kinda really are.

[spam]

[tucky]

... I don't think I feel tortured.

[spam]

[ichoosefight]

Oh, don't worry, you will if you keep brooding like this long enough.

[spam]

[tucky]

I just don't know if I'm cut out for this place, is all.

[spam]

[ichoosefight]

[ She smiles wryly. ]

You'll be okay, as long as you've got people looking out for you. Even superheroes need friends sometimes.

[spam]

[tucky]

I have a lot of friends here - and Merlin, and Mason.

[spam]

[ichoosefight]

Then you're already ahead of the game.

[spam]

[tucky]

Yeah.

... What happened to you? You said you felt like this before.

[spam]

[ichoosefight]

I... well, I'm kind of a superhero, just without the powers. A lot of people have died that I should have been able to save. And that gang war I mentioned?

I sorta started it.

[spam]

[tucky]

Were any of 'em people you cared about?

[spam]

[ichoosefight]

More than I care to remember.

[spam]

[tucky]

... I'm sorry. I'm real sorry about that.

[spam]

[ichoosefight]

Yeah, me too.

[ She sighs. ]

But life goes on. Even when it's not supposed to, like for us.

[spam]

[tucky]

We're here for a reason. It's supposed to.

[spam]

[ichoosefight]

You're probably right. In my world only important people come back to life.

[spam]

[tucky]

You saying we ain't important? We were chosen for the Barge.

[spam]

[ichoosefight]

Just the opposite. We must be important, to get a second chance at life.

[spam]

[tucky]

And we're a part of something.

I think that's why I have to stay.

[spam]

[ichoosefight]

We've all got our reasons. The ethics of this system are sketchy at best. The wardens who stay here, either they're desperate or they really believe in what we're trying to do here.