♻ 015 | video

[tucky]

[The rips had closed up days ago, but Tiffany doesn't trust that right away - people were still missing and there was clearly something weird going on down at the port, so she refrains from acting like everything is over and done with yet. When people start appearing back on the ship, however, she tentatively lets herself start to believe that things really are winding down... which leads to another problem, for her.]

So, uh… during all that, I had some trouble, and Mason took my soul out of my body for a little bit, so I wouldn't be in pain and couldn't get hurt. He was great, by the way; a fucking badass - strong and brave and fighting monsters. He saved my life. He was a hero.

Y'all tell him that the next time you see him, okay?

[He revels in compliments and praise the same way she does; she has a feeling he'll like it.

And it’s so, so tempting to just focus on that and end the post right there - to do something similar to what she did after the jaeger breach and just gush about how so many people had helped her, and how nice it feels to know she has them in her corner. To just ignore the uncomfortable parts in favor of the good.

But it wouldn’t work as well the second time, and for once, she isn’t sure she’d want it to.]

But when I was out of myself, I tried to go inside a monster, and it-- I didn't really do it, but I almost did, and I felt its soul. It was the worst thing I have ever felt in my life; it was worse than dying in my dreams during that flood. It felt evil, and now my soul feels tainted.

[It isn't, really - luckily for her, any aftereffects from the experience are all in her head.]

I died a lot and then I did that, and I'm worried my soul is turning bad because of it. I don't got any real evidence, so it might not be, but... I think I would appreciate it if someone could check, or try to do an exorcism on me. Just in case.

[She smiles a twitchy smile that doesn't reach her eyes.]

I ain't panicking this time, like I did before. But if there's something wrong with me, I wanna get it fixed.

Thanks.

[filtered to Simon]

... Hey, Simon. Hi.

[filtered to Cambridge]

Maybe when we do our next therapy meeting, we can talk about this? About dying and stuff. I don’t…

I don't think I’m handling it too well.

[filtered to Ricki]

Can I talk to you?

[warden filter]

Comments

[16thstar]

Do people really do that?

[tucky]

Doing evil because they like it? Yeah, they do.

[16thstar]

Because they like doing a thing that's evil, sure. But just because they want to be evil?

[tucky]

There's gotta be some people who think like that.

[16thstar]

That just seems so... so hopeless.

[tucky]

I'm just talking some people, not everyone.

[16thstar]

If you don't believe that everyone has some good in them, I don't see how you could ever trust anyone.

[tucky]

That don't make any sense at all.

[16thstar]

Would you trust me, if you thought there was a part of me that was evil?

[tucky]

No, but that don't mean I wouldn't trust anybody. I said I don't believe everyone's got evil in them.

[16thstar]

But it could be in anybody, right?

[tucky]

No. That ain't at all what I'm saying.

[16thstar]

Then what are you saying?

[tucky]

I'm saying there's evil people. That ain't the same as saying everyone is evil.

[16thstar]

But if a good person can turn evil, doesn't that mean that anyone could be evil?

[tucky]

Nope, 'cause not every good person can turn evil. You gotta be a little borderline first, I think.

[16thstar]

[ She thinks about that for a moment. Seems reasonable enough. ]

So then, you couldn't turn evil unless you were already a little borderline.

[tucky]

It makes sense, don't it?

[16thstar]

It does. But I also think that good people can do evil things, and seem evil even if they aren't.

[ Ceres isn't evil, after all... just kind of really messed up in the head. ]

[tucky]

That's different.

[16thstar]

I also think that you can't turn evil because a monster infected you with it. You have to have been borderline already, right?

[tucky]

Fine, fine. Okay.

[16thstar]

There you go! Nothing to worry about.

[tucky]

I didn't say that.

[16thstar]

That's why I said it.