♻ 019 | audio

[tucky]

[filtered to Letty]

Can I talk to you?

[filtered to Roderick]

Can you come and see me? I'm in 603.

Comments

private

[characterdefect]

Not at the moment.

private

[tucky]

Can I come see you?

[He's probably in Zero, she thinks.]

private

[characterdefect]

Sure. 'M in the infirmary.

private

[tucky]

[She makes her way over there immediately, coming in and pulling up a chair next to his bedside.]

Hey.

private

[characterdefect]

Hey.

[He looks . . . pretty bad. Couple of bones broken, bruised up all over. His face alone is relatively unscathed.]

You here to yell at me?

Re: private

[tucky]

No.

[She pulls a leg up onto her chair, wrapping her arm around her knee and looking at him sadly.]

Why'd you do it?

[characterdefect]

You know why I did it.

[tucky]

But why her?

[characterdefect]

Because she was there.

[tucky]

[She sniffs, resting her cheek against her knees.]

I know you said I know why. And I guess I do, 'cause you told me a little bit. But can you tell me again? More?

[characterdefect]

[He cocks his head, staring at her, like he's trying to figure something out.]

Why do you wanna know?

[tucky]

Because you're my friend and I love you and I wanna know you.

[characterdefect]

It seems like something you won't understand, if you didn't already. It seems like it might just hurt you.

[tucky]

Maybe, but that's okay.

[characterdefect]

No, it's not. I promised I wouldn't.

Don't you remember?

[tucky]

I'm asking you to, it's different.

[characterdefect]

[It makes him uncomfortable. But it is, he supposes, ultimately her decision. He relents, relaxes, wincing at the pain in his limbs.]

What exactly do you want to know?

[tucky]

I wanna know whatever you wanna say. I wanna know what you get from it, maybe. What it feels like.

[characterdefect]

[A slow inhale, exhale. He tries to remember how he put it to his family - his followers - Charlie and Amanda and the rest of them. He draws on the place where it hits him, dark and bright all at once, in the center of his body under the ribs. He remembers:]

It feels like letting go of a breath you didn't realize you were holding. Like seeing something so beautiful you know in your heart you're never going to see anything even close to again. Like understanding yourself perfectly, and understanding the other person just as much.

It's power. But it's like going home, too.

[tucky]

It made you feel like you understood her?

[That's the part that surprises her the most.]

[characterdefect]

Her and everyone else.

The last moment before death is the most beautiful moment in any person's life.

[tucky]

But you said it didn't work with people who are your family. Why not?

[characterdefect]

Because I already know them.

[tucky]

[It... sort of makes sense.]

So you don't feel like, if you killed me, you'd know me even better.

[characterdefect]

[He smiles warmly. If he could, he'd take her hands in his.]

I don't think so. I think I know you pretty well already.