♻ 019 | audio

[tucky]

[filtered to Letty]

Can I talk to you?

[filtered to Roderick]

Can you come and see me? I'm in 603.

Comments

[characterdefect]

[A quick, hesitant smile. Whatever high he felt that didn't fade when Lloyd beat the shit out of him is fading now.]

You gonna be okay?

[tucky]

No.

Being a warden's not like I thought it would be.

[characterdefect]

What did you think it'd be?

[tucky]

Easier. I thought graduating would mean I'd know what to do.

[characterdefect]

I don't think that's how it works.

[tucky]

People warned me about that. I guess there's just a part of me that thought they was wrong.

I still wanna stay. I just wish I was still an inmate, sometimes.

[characterdefect]

Because you don't want to have to figure things out by yourself?

[tucky]

Some things. The harder things. Other things I like figuring out by myself.

[characterdefect]

That's good. That's good.

You don't have to figure me out if you don't want to.

[tucky]

But I do want to.

[characterdefect]

Then I'm sorry it's not going to be all that much fun for you. I am who I am. I'm not gonna be ashamed of it. Not here, not anywhere.

[tucky]

I know it's not gonna be fun. But lots of things aren't.

I'd wanna understand you even if I was still an inmate, it'd just... feel different. To me.

[characterdefect]

Different how?

[tucky]

Different like I wouldn't feel like I was a failure if I messed up.

[characterdefect]

You're not a failure. I'm not your inmate.

[tucky]

You're my friend.

[characterdefect]

But you're my friend whether you're a warden or not.

[tucky]

I know. And I don't think I'm a different person now from how I was, like, last month. But I got responsibilities that I didn't have before.

... I meant everything I said, that night in Paris.

[characterdefect]

I know you did. I believed you then and I believe you now.

I'm sorry I can't give you a hug, Tiffany.

[tucky]

It's okay.

I'm gonna tell you right now, I ain't mad at Lloyd for doing what he did.

[characterdefect]

No, that's okay. I'm not, either.

[tucky]

I mean... I see people I care about get hurt here, and I get sad and upset and angry and I wish I could've protected them. I don't feel that about this.

[She is sad and upset, even on Roderick's behalf - but for different reasons; for the reasons they've already talked about.]

I feel like you deserved it.

But I don't love you any less.

[characterdefect]

I did deserve it, by most people's standards.

[Not by his. But he's capable of understanding, of empathizing, well enough that he can see how it might mess people up.]

[tucky]

Yeah.

To me, it feels like you went and hurt yourself.

[characterdefect]

No. Me getting hurt, that's an afterthought.