♻ 018 | text/video

[tucky]

[filtered to Dillon, Iris, Mason, and Simon]

[Everyone on this filter gets the same message, sent separately.]

Can you come see me? I need to talk to you.

[Then, after a moment, an addition.]

Don't worry its nothing bad.

[video]

[Later, after finishing visiting with and giving her news to the above people, Tiffany sets herself up to make a public announcement. She sits cross-legged on her bed, turns on the recorder... and suddenly realizes that she has no idea how she wants to say this.]

I...

... There's a Bible verse that I like. It goes like this: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

[She isn't reading it off of anything; she's memorized it. Considering the last verse she took the time to memorize was about smiting God's enemies for Him, this is an improvement.]

If you know me much at all you probably know I'm a big believer in God. And when I first learned about Him, it was the best deal I ever heard of. I'd never been a part of anything before; never been in anybody's fold. But here I was, learning about somebody who'd love me, and give me a reason to be - I wanted that, you know? Who wouldn't? Feeling like you're loved is the nicest thing.

But then I came here, and I learned that being loved is only part of what's important. You gotta love back, honestly and truly. And I do. I have met the most amazing people and made the most amazing friends, and I wouldn't trade any of you for anything. I told Dr. Cambridge a while ago that I got a lot of hate in my heart sometimes, and that's true. I used to like showing it around a lot. But on the Barge I learned that I got a lot of love in my heart too, and I like showing that around even more.

So what I really meant to say is that I graduated, and it's 'cause of y'all, and I love you very much. Even the people I don't like I kind of love a little bit right now.

[She almost adds Except Arthas here, but bites her tongue.]

But especially the people I like; the people who have helped me. And some of you feel the same way and some of you don't, and that's okay, because love is not self-seeking and me feeling it is enough.

[Pause.]

I'm gonna stay. I'm gonna be a warden. It's kinda scary to me, but I'm doing it. I don't always like how it is on the Barge and last month I was thinking maybe I'd leave, but... I can't do that. It's like my home, now.

That's all.

[And she ends the feed.]

Comments

[tucky]

... Yeah.

I even got plans for home, for when I do go. Only it's complicated, 'cause this place is my home now, too.

[forgetyourusedtobe]

[Elena nods a little. She can understand that feeling. Although the Barge hasn't really felt like home in a while, if she's honest with herself. A lot of the people she's depending on the most have either left, are in the process of leaving, or will soon.]

[Or they're like Dean and not there altogether from the beginning.]

It's tough leaving it behind, but you'll know when it's time. When you're ready.

[tucky]

That might be a long time from now. I feel like I just got here. I feel like if I ever leave, I'll be giving too much up.

[forgetyourusedtobe]

[That's not something Elena understands on a personal level, but she's seen it a few times.]

You didn't have anything when you first got here either though, right?

[tucky]

I had the Barge itself.

[forgetyourusedtobe]

But you didn't really know anybody.

[tucky]

No.

But I know that where I come from, there ain't anybody like the people here.

[forgetyourusedtobe]

You sure you just aren't looking in the wrong place?

[tucky]

I never had chance or cause to look anywhere but my hometown area. Or prison.

[forgetyourusedtobe]

You'll have a chance to look other places once you leave here. There's a whole world out there waiting to be explored, you know.

[tucky]

Why do I got to have the end goal of leaving? Iris doesn't.

[forgetyourusedtobe]

Iris won't be here forever either, Tiffany. She's stopped here for a while, but it's just a small blip in the rest of her lifetime.

No one can really stay here forever. They can stay a long time, but not forever. It's not meant to be like that.

[tucky]

How do you know? Does the Admiral kick people off?

[forgetyourusedtobe]

No. But everyone leaves eventually. That's just part of life, that's not unique to the Barge.

[tucky]

Yeah, when they die.

[forgetyourusedtobe]

Not just when they die.

[tucky]

There's some people who stay in one place for their whole life, Elena. I know lots of those people.

[forgetyourusedtobe]

I do, too. Remember? Small town girl from Virginia.

But that doesn't mean you have to be those people.

[tucky]

I know, but what if I wanted to be?

[forgetyourusedtobe]

There's nothing wrong with that, but if you want to find more people like what you've found here on the Barge and they aren't where you are, you might have to be the one to move and make a change.

[tucky]

Or I could stay here, where I already know they are.

[forgetyourusedtobe]

[She sighs a little.]

Tiffany, this place isn't... It's just a place of transition. People are going to come and go.

[tucky]

I know that. But it doesn't have to be just that, I don't think.

[forgetyourusedtobe]

But that's its whole purpose.

[tucky]

You don't know that for sure, I bet. That's just what you think.

It's so big, Elena. It's so important. We're going through space on this amazing ship with all its amazing things and amazing people and I don't get how I can just walk away from that forever. Not now, and not in my future.