tucky | IC contact for lastvoyages

But I ca-- I don't want to be one of the people who says all those people who do bad things are just madmen. They got no reasons for doing what they do and they ain't worth listening to or understanding. That is not who I want to be, and if I have to do that for you to think I'm on your side, then--

Then you chose.

[Her voice shakes a little, but she's not trying to fight that any more than she was a minute ago.]

I said that, too.

Choose who's a manman and who isn't? Choose who's worth hearing?

[She snorts softly and goes back to packing, hardening herself again with a quick shiver, a quick blink of her eyes. Her voice cools, tired and unhappy and done.]

Chose to have me go. So I'm going. You do whatever you want.

That's your choice, Nina, not mine. You got a right to make it, but but I'm not forcing you.

[She starts to say something, but then stops and shakes her head, and now her voice cools quickly.]

Fine.

Edited 2016-04-29 15:23 (UTC)

Do you want me to stop talking to you?

That's your choice. I'm not forcing you.

I don't want to, but I would if you wanted me to.

It's up to you.

[She says nothing more, filling her bag. Every choice she's given Tiffany, as she sees it, has been written off in one way or another; in fact, everything she's said to Tiffany about making choices at all has been written off as if it had never happened at all. As if Nina just decided to go crazy for no reason and leave. As if nothing she said even made the slightest impact.

It might be petty at this point, and entirely pointless, but she's not giving her even one more chance to pretend that something she decided perfectly well on her own is on Nina's shoulders. Let her choose. Let her make one fucking decision for herself and own it. In fact, just so there's not the slightest bit of legroom on the topic, she adds belatedly:]

I'll go along with whatever you do.

[She sits up straighter, misinterpreting the situation - seeing this as Nina going limp, emotionally, and expecting Tiffany to do whatever she wants regardless of what Nina thinks.]

I don't want you to go along with what I want. I'm not gonna order you to do shit, Nina. I will respect it if you don't want me to talk to you. I will.

[Not. Happening.]

I told you already -- it's up to you. I don't know how much more clearly I can say that.

Well, I'm not gonna do it, because I'm not gonna make your decisions for you! I'm not gonna be that kind of person either! I'm not gonna take people's choices away; I won't!

[She hears the rise in Tiffany's voice, but she's too worn out to care. Fine -- let her figure out why Nina has hit her limit with this.]

Maybe I can't decide. Maybe I think about it differently from you. Maybe I'm choosing not to make any choice at all.

[She finally has all of her things gathered, and she closes the bag and holds it in both her hands.]

So? Should I expect to hear from you?

That's different from this. They're different kinds of choices. I'm not gonna choose one person to stop listening to. That ain't the same as-- as this.

I'm worried that you don't wanna talk to me, but you're gonna suffer through it anyway 'cause you think I'm gonna try to make you.

Not at all. I don't think of it that way.

[Which is both true and shrewish and mean. Screw it.]

Well, I don't either.

So, then?

[She's waiting for an answer.]

So I will still talk to you, if you'll talk to me. And if you won't talk to me, I won't hunt you down and make you. And if I talk to you and you talk back, I'm gonna trust that you're making your own choice to do it, and I won't say I'm gonna avoid you for your own good or anything stupid like that.

And I won't tell anybody what happened in here today, with you and me.

[She swallows.]

And I won't stop feeling about you the way that I feel.

So, no, you won't stop. That's what you're deciding.

Stop talking to and listening to dangerous people? No, I won't.

To me. No ifs. That's what you're deciding?

Nina!

[She flops back against the couch with a strangled groan of frustration.]

We are two fucking people, and I'm gonna make decisions for me, but I'm not gonna make 'em for you. No, I'm not deciding that I'm gonna talk to you - no ifs, no buts. There are always gonna be ifs and buts! You want everything to be this or that and nothing in the middle, but it's not!

[She blinks, completely shocked by that, and not for any reason she might have expected. She actually lets out a short, startled laugh.]

That's what you think?

[She barely even knows what to say to that; she doesn't know the word flabbergasted, but that would really sum it up for her if she did. She stares at her for a second and then sinks back on her heels, still stunned, but nodding to herself as if something has suddenly and finally cleared in her head.]

Well, now I know why I can't get through to you -- because you don't understand anything about me. Not a thing. You haven't heard a word I've said this whole time.

[Which actually makes this, ironically, very simple. Maybe the most black-and-white anything has been in a while. She shifts her bag to one hand and makes for the door.]

Good luck, okay? Maybe I'll see you on the other side.

It's what I think right now, 'cause it's how it feels like you're talking! 'Cause you're telling me I gotta decide whether I'm gonna keep trying to talk to you or not, and you won't tell me what you want! How can I make a fucking choice about talking to somebody when I don't know what they want?

[She tenses up like she's about to jump to her feet, but she doesn't move.]

You don't owe me nothing, you don't owe me answers, but don't ask me to make choices about you when I don't know what you want. You told me how much you hate it when people decide to make your choices for you, and I don't wanna do that.

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