♻ 020 | audio/spam

[tucky]

[audio]

[After Mason leaves, Tiffany is sorting through a lot of feelings, but is calm and composed as she addresses the network. Her voice sounds a little bit more rough and hoarse than usual, but that's it. She has some stuff to say - both about Mason, and (belatedly) about her warden.]

I'm glad we picked Paris. Thank you. I'm sad Merlin missed it, but I got to spend a lot of time with Mason before he left, and that was a real good place to do it in.

[Indeed, Mason had been one of the people she'd spent the most time with - Barge residents could easily have spotted the two of them running around the city like idiots, holding hands in the streets and stealing kisses in quiet corners.

They could also have seen Tiffany sitting alone, looking melancholy and keenly feeling the absence of Merlin's company.]

You know, they were good guys, Merlin and Mason. I got a lot of warden friends who I love very much, but I think Merlin was the best one to have been my own warden, and I would never have wanted to trade him away. We were real perfect together; we were two peas in a pod. I know my graduating's got a lot to do with me, but I never would've done it so fast without him. And Mason... Mason was like no guy I have ever been with before. Guys from where I'm from don't treat me bad, but Mason was sweet and charming and romantic and I might never have that again, so I'm glad I got to have that experience here. He was a good experience. Both of 'em were good experiences. And I don't regret either of 'em; not for a single second. It's real easy for me to love people, when they treat me right - and they did. They did.

[She clears her throat abruptly, like she's trying to get rid of a cough; she's starting to get teary and it shows in her voice, so she decides to just end it there.]

Okay, I'm done; that's all I got to say.

[Click. She won't completely fall apart or try to isolate herself, but she'll be walking around in a fog for a little bit, and will spend more time than usual holed up in her room. And later some filters are added, one after the other, with a few hours separating them.]

[filtered to Dillon, Iris, and Simon]

Hey, you guys doing okay?

[It's very similar to what she'd said when Merlin, Sha-infected, had told her he was going to unpair from her. The circumstances are different, but the end result is the same. Her little core group is now two men down, and her instinct is to pull the rest in even tighter.]

[filtered to Allison, Barbara, Bucky, Elena, Iris, Letty, Morgana, and Tig]

[Everyone on this filter is someone she knows is a friend of either Mason or Merlin. She hesitates before making it, not sure what she should say or even if she wants to say anything at all - but in the end, she says this.]

I'm supposed to be working on doing better at thinking about other people and their feelings, and caring about 'em even when they ain't giving me nothing for it. And I guess I'm succeeding at it, since I graduated and all.

So I just wanna say that I know it ain't just about me. I know y'all suffered a loss too, and I'm real sorry about that.

[filtered to Crowley]

pub?

[/filtered to Crowley]

[telepathic message to Jean]

[After discovering that the telepathic chip doesn't work while she's in her cabin (even after five months and a graduation, she's still only vaguely aware of the SA Filters and what they do), Tiffany heads out to the Level 6 common room closest to her end of the hallway. There, she curls up in one of the big armchairs and broadcasts out one emotion: sadness.]

[spam]

[Tiffany will continue to show up to everything she's supposed to, including meals in the dining hall (sometimes she sits alone, other times she spots a friendly face and joins them) and her work in the infirmary (where - unless someone is hurt or needs attention - she can mostly be found sorting through supplies and keeping the clinic area neat). She heads out onto the deck most evenings, where she breaks her habit of hugging the side of the Barge and sitting on the safe, solid floor - she stands right at the railing, looking out at the stars.

She starts out taking all this about as well as can be expected - she's down in the dumps, but she knows life will go on. Then she begins to find herself wandering through the hallways on levels 4 and 7, hesitating in front of 4-19 and and 7-11 - Mason and Merlin's old rooms, respectively. Their doors are blank now, of course, but that doesn't stop her from standing in front of them for minutes at a time, like she's waiting for someone to come out. As the days go on, this becomes more and more common, and her stops become longer and longer. Eventually, they'll start lasting for hours. She won't connect it to her use of the Admiral powers or any other outside influences right away, but for anyone else that does, she's clearly very, very affected. Her loss of her friends and the Barge's loss of its inmates have become inexorably linked in her mind, and it's quickly turning into an obsessive fixation.]

Comments

[characterdefect]

Why're you trying something that's gonna hurt you?

[He cocks his head down at her, pulls the hoodie off her head and smooths her hair back.]

That doesn't sound very good for you.

[tucky]

[Robbed of the comfort of burying herself under her hood, she leans in to hug him, burying herself against his shoulder instead.]

It's not gonna hurt me. It's just a movie.

[characterdefect]

But it might make you sad.

[He's already done that. He doesn't want her any sadder.]

[tucky]

I'm already sad, Roderick.

[But at least it's not about him this time.]

I'm very, very sad. A movie's not gonna make that worse, but hanging out with you might make it better.

[characterdefect]

. . . Okay.

In that case, I've seen Saw. I can watch it with you if you want.

[tucky]

[She pushes open the door further. She never changed her cabin to look like her Paris hotel room the way she'd originally planned, but she has expanded it; now the front door opens into a little living area, with doors to a bedroom, a full bathroom, and a tiny kitchenette along one wall. Along the other wall is a set of stairs leading up to a small loft area with a large flat-screen TV, a couch, and some beanbag chairs.]

I'm not sad 'cause of you right now. You don't got to worry about that. This part ain't your fault.

[characterdefect]

[He makes himself at home, sitting down on the couch and opening his arms to her so she can snuggle up against him.]

Whose fault is it, then?

[tucky]

[And she does, tucking herself right up against him.]

Nobody's. I'm sad because Merlin went home and then Mason went home.

[characterdefect]

[So it's their fault. But he doesn't say it, just squeezes her tighter.]

Well, what can I do?

[tucky]

Be here with me while I'm feeling like shit.

[She feels around for the remote to start the movie up.]

[characterdefect]

Okay. I can do that.

[tucky]

Thanks.

[And so they watch. The movie is easier than she thought it would be - it doesn't panic her or make her feel like she's going to get nightmares later. It's different from experiencing this sort of thing in real life.

Partway through, she lightly nudges Roderick with her elbow.]

Does movies like this make your wanting to kill people stronger, or weaker?

[characterdefect]

[He's just getting into it when she asks the question. Truthfully he doesn't like or dislike the film - it's just something to have on in the background. He looks at her in surprise.]

Neither. Why, were you expecting it to?

[tucky]

Not really. I was just curious.

[characterdefect]

It doesn't . . . feel like what I do. It feels different.

[tucky]

It doesn't feel like what happened to me, either. Even the screaming don't get to me too much, and that's what I have nightmares about the most.

[characterdefect]

[He squeezes her shoulder.]

I don't think it's very realistic at all.

[tucky]

Good. I don't wanna be put in no death trap room.

[Don't jinx a Saw-esque flood into reality, Tiffany.]

[characterdefect]

[She's totally jinxing everybody. Good going, Tiffany.]

Anybody who tried to put you in a death trap room would have to go through me first.

[tucky]

[She wriggles closer, burrowing into his side.]

That's nice to hear. That makes me feel safe.

[characterdefect]

It should. I've protected more people from worse.

[tucky]

Will you tell me about that sometime?

[characterdefect]

Sure. Whenever you want. They're mostly lots of little stories, instead of one big one, so we can space them out.

[tucky]

What about now?

[characterdefect]

Sure.

Did I ever tell you about Jacob?