[The tears that had started to prick her eyes when she first mentioned Merlin are threatening to spill now; she reaches up and preemptively wipes them away.]
And if you ever wanna talk about... about Merlin or home or what Roderick did or anything - anything at all - you can talk to me, okay? I think people see me like I'm a little kid, and I can't handle anything, and they gotta protect me all the time--
[And maybe they're right, in some ways. She's fragile, even now, in more ways than one.]
-- but I don't think I am. Not as much as they think.
[That actually hits closer to home than Tiffany likely realizes; Letty knows what it's like for other people to decide what she can and can't handle without so much as asking her, or listening to the answer. Hell, it's the reason she's in this mess to begin with.
And she knows she's guilty of that. She knows she was ready, despite her current state, to get up off this couch and go for round two with Roderick right now if he'd scared Tiffany by threatening her. But:]
Make you a deal. [She opens her eyes finally, lifts her head up so she can look at Tiffany.]
Won't treat you like a kid. Promise me, you need help, or you're not okay with it, tell me.
I don't really mind it so much, you know. Not most of the time. I like it when people wanna protect me. It feels nice; it makes me feel safe. And I haven't never really been taken care of before.
He did good, then. He was always working, whenever I went into the infirmary - always helping people. He was being real selfless.
[Him leading by example had been a big part of why she'd wanted to help so much, too - doing her supply runs, or finding wounded people to bring back.]
Yeah, you never do, do you? I'm always gonna remember that he saved my life during that breach. He gave his life for me. And Mason saved me during the monsters, too.
[She shudders, just a little - because thinking about Mason saving her makes her think about how he'd been attacked in the process, and that memory is still hard on her.]
[Letty listens while she finishes the water; she ends up keeping the empty glass in her hand rather than reaching out again to put it down, rubbing one fingertip along the top. She lets her eyes drift partially closed, and stays quiet and still for a few long moments after Tiffany finishes.
She speaks more quietly when she replies, her voice fractionally smoother at that volume, still rasped.]
Worst part.
I was alone. Both times. Does that make me selfish?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I think you say good things. Things that are important.
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Merlin said that too.
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Merlin's a smart guy.
Are you gonna stay?
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[She breathes in, sniffs back the peppery feeling in her own sinuses.]
Won't leave Lloyd. Not interested in just being plain ol' dead. Stuck with me.
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And if you ever wanna talk about... about Merlin or home or what Roderick did or anything - anything at all - you can talk to me, okay? I think people see me like I'm a little kid, and I can't handle anything, and they gotta protect me all the time--
[And maybe they're right, in some ways. She's fragile, even now, in more ways than one.]
-- but I don't think I am. Not as much as they think.
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And she knows she's guilty of that. She knows she was ready, despite her current state, to get up off this couch and go for round two with Roderick right now if he'd scared Tiffany by threatening her. But:]
Make you a deal. [She opens her eyes finally, lifts her head up so she can look at Tiffany.]
Won't treat you like a kid. Promise me, you need help, or you're not okay with it, tell me.
Don't deal with it anyway. Okay?
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I don't really mind it so much, you know. Not most of the time. I like it when people wanna protect me. It feels nice; it makes me feel safe. And I haven't never really been taken care of before.
But I wanna be trusted to take care of them back.
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Being taken care of doesn't mean shit if it isn't what you want. If they don't trust you back to hold up your end.
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I... know.
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[She slides her gaze towards Letty, without moving her head.]
Who takes care of you here?
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Merlin did.
Venus. Lloyd.
You.
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Merlin was so good at that. And even though he's gone I still feel like he's taking care of me a little bit, 'cause I remember how he did things.
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[She reflects it back, a little. Reaches for the water again.]
'Cause of him, I didn't die sooner. That whole... thing.
Demons. Whatever.
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Did he help you then, or when Arthas's monsters were here?
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[It's not entirely self-deprecating, just honest.]
Monsters. One damn near took my arm off. Would've jumped my shit.
He stopped it, then healed me.
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He did good, then. He was always working, whenever I went into the infirmary - always helping people. He was being real selfless.
[Him leading by example had been a big part of why she'd wanted to help so much, too - doing her supply runs, or finding wounded people to bring back.]
... You die, in that?
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I didn't. 'Cause of him. I never forgot that.
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[She shudders, just a little - because thinking about Mason saving her makes her think about how he'd been attacked in the process, and that memory is still hard on her.]
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She speaks more quietly when she replies, her voice fractionally smoother at that volume, still rasped.]
Worst part.
I was alone. Both times. Does that make me selfish?
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To see it. Maybe get hurt too. Just so I don't have to die alone.
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I liked not being alone when I died in the laundry room. Getting touched after, getting my face kissed.
I hope if it ever happens to you again you don't have to be alone, Letty.
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