tucky | ♻ 018 | text/video

♻ 018 | text/video

[filtered to Dillon, Iris, Mason, and Simon]

[Everyone on this filter gets the same message, sent separately.]

Can you come see me? I need to talk to you.

[Then, after a moment, an addition.]

Don't worry its nothing bad.

[video]

[Later, after finishing visiting with and giving her news to the above people, Tiffany sets herself up to make a public announcement. She sits cross-legged on her bed, turns on the recorder... and suddenly realizes that she has no idea how she wants to say this.]

I...

... There's a Bible verse that I like. It goes like this: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

[She isn't reading it off of anything; she's memorized it. Considering the last verse she took the time to memorize was about smiting God's enemies for Him, this is an improvement.]

If you know me much at all you probably know I'm a big believer in God. And when I first learned about Him, it was the best deal I ever heard of. I'd never been a part of anything before; never been in anybody's fold. But here I was, learning about somebody who'd love me, and give me a reason to be - I wanted that, you know? Who wouldn't? Feeling like you're loved is the nicest thing.

But then I came here, and I learned that being loved is only part of what's important. You gotta love back, honestly and truly. And I do. I have met the most amazing people and made the most amazing friends, and I wouldn't trade any of you for anything. I told Dr. Cambridge a while ago that I got a lot of hate in my heart sometimes, and that's true. I used to like showing it around a lot. But on the Barge I learned that I got a lot of love in my heart too, and I like showing that around even more.

So what I really meant to say is that I graduated, and it's 'cause of y'all, and I love you very much. Even the people I don't like I kind of love a little bit right now.

[She almost adds Except Arthas here, but bites her tongue.]

But especially the people I like; the people who have helped me. And some of you feel the same way and some of you don't, and that's okay, because love is not self-seeking and me feeling it is enough.

[Pause.]

I'm gonna stay. I'm gonna be a warden. It's kinda scary to me, but I'm doing it. I don't always like how it is on the Barge and last month I was thinking maybe I'd leave, but... I can't do that. It's like my home, now.

That's all.

[And she ends the feed.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

If you were like me, you just didn't know how to survive without jumping to violence. I learned better here. I can tel you did, too; don't let people take advantage of you for it.

I don't know. I don't think that was it, 'cause I wasn't in a lot of life or death situations back home. Or any at all, mostly.

Who do you think's gonna take advantage of me?

No? Huh. When's the first time you ever hit someone, and meant it?

[It feels very much like a betrayal to answer this question, but he has to. He has to, because it's ~~Cass~~ Tiffany at risk.]

Well Iris likes you. A whole hell of a lot, actually. But she likes Victor more, and if there was a gun to someone's head...I think she'd let you take it, you know? If it meant saving him. So I just don't want her to push you to be his friend if you don't feel safe. [And she shouldn't feel safe.]

[She doesn't answer his question, because she's too focused on the second part of what he's saying. If there was a gun to someone's head, she'd let you take it. Hearing that is like a punch to the gut, and it shows on her face.]

[It was an awful, terrible, miserable thing for Cain to say...but he meant it, and he believes it, and he'll do or say whatever he needs to make sure she's prepared for the worst.]

I'm sorry.

You better believe I'll do anything to keep him from hurting you though. Even if it means stepping on Iris's toes.

You don't gotta be sorry for speaking your mind.

It's just... hard, real hard, to think that she would do that to me. Did she say she would?

No. She'd never, I don't think she's ever thought of it. She's an optimist, she doesn't really believe she can be backed into a corner. But she's trying to save him. You, you're already saved, get it?

That don't mean I wanna be sacrificed.

Good. Good. You shouldn't be. You're not some lamb for the slaughter, you're a clever kid, you're a light, you're- you're worth a whole hell of a lot more than just that.

... Thank you.

[He nods faintly, swallows hard.]

I swear to God if he tries to hurt you I won't just let it happen, okay? All you've gotta do is holler.

You're a good friend, you know that?

[He gets compliments like that so infrequently that it catches him left-footed, rigidly bashful.]

Nothing to it. It's not like you make it hard to like you, y'know.

People here like me for different reasons than people have liked me in my past.

I don't know much about your past but what I do know, I'd say that's a good thing, right?

Do you wanna know? I could tell you.

[It's somehow entirely different when someone offers. Cain will spy, snoop, steal information but very few people offer it.]

Yeah. I'd like that.

I did drugs all the time. I was hooked on meth. I had abortions - a lot of abortions - and I shot a woman 'cause she was mean to me about that and it made me mad. Then I went to prison and found God, and believed some stuff about Him that weren't true - I believed He didn't like gay people or transgenders or nonbelievers or anyone who wasn't my exact kind of Christian, and so I didn't like 'em either. I used God to be bossy and cruel. I thought He wanted me to kill someone I knew there, but I was really just angry and out for revenge, you know; I was looking for an excuse. And then the same kind of thing happened when I got here; I tried to kill Vergil 'cause I was scared, and I thought I was in trouble with God and doing it would bring me back into His favor.

I have not always been a good person to know.

You're a good one, now. Wouldn't have so many people looking out for you if you weren't.

And you really think I make it easy for people to like me?

Made it easy for me. It's hard to trust someone who hasn't been through the same shit you have.

I don't have that problem.

Yeah? You have trouble trusting anyone?

Not unless I feel like I got reason to. I trust most of the people here.

...You probably shouldn't.

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private; missed this notif; sorry!

private; no worries!