♻ 018 | text/video

[tucky]

[filtered to Dillon, Iris, Mason, and Simon]

[Everyone on this filter gets the same message, sent separately.]

Can you come see me? I need to talk to you.

[Then, after a moment, an addition.]

Don't worry its nothing bad.

[video]

[Later, after finishing visiting with and giving her news to the above people, Tiffany sets herself up to make a public announcement. She sits cross-legged on her bed, turns on the recorder... and suddenly realizes that she has no idea how she wants to say this.]

I...

... There's a Bible verse that I like. It goes like this: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

[She isn't reading it off of anything; she's memorized it. Considering the last verse she took the time to memorize was about smiting God's enemies for Him, this is an improvement.]

If you know me much at all you probably know I'm a big believer in God. And when I first learned about Him, it was the best deal I ever heard of. I'd never been a part of anything before; never been in anybody's fold. But here I was, learning about somebody who'd love me, and give me a reason to be - I wanted that, you know? Who wouldn't? Feeling like you're loved is the nicest thing.

But then I came here, and I learned that being loved is only part of what's important. You gotta love back, honestly and truly. And I do. I have met the most amazing people and made the most amazing friends, and I wouldn't trade any of you for anything. I told Dr. Cambridge a while ago that I got a lot of hate in my heart sometimes, and that's true. I used to like showing it around a lot. But on the Barge I learned that I got a lot of love in my heart too, and I like showing that around even more.

So what I really meant to say is that I graduated, and it's 'cause of y'all, and I love you very much. Even the people I don't like I kind of love a little bit right now.

[She almost adds Except Arthas here, but bites her tongue.]

But especially the people I like; the people who have helped me. And some of you feel the same way and some of you don't, and that's okay, because love is not self-seeking and me feeling it is enough.

[Pause.]

I'm gonna stay. I'm gonna be a warden. It's kinda scary to me, but I'm doing it. I don't always like how it is on the Barge and last month I was thinking maybe I'd leave, but... I can't do that. It's like my home, now.

That's all.

[And she ends the feed.]

Comments

[absentconstellation]

[ It is very difficult to make Pounce angry if you aren't a poorly behaved kitten or overly affectionate. ]

Perhaps. But it is unwise for you to believe that you can make up the difference.

[tucky]

That ain't what I'm trying to do.

[absentconstellation]

Good. [ He nods his approval. ] I knew you weren't a fool.

[tucky]

You act like you think I'm one. You talk to me like you think I'm one.

[absentconstellation]

And you talk like a drunken sailor. I don't take it personally.

[tucky]

I do not!

[absentconstellation]

Having spent more time than I would have liked in the company of drunken sailors, I can assure you that you do. Though you don't slur your words as much as they.

[tucky]

Where I come from, everybody talks like me.

[absentconstellation]

Where I come from, most require guidance.

[ Believe it or not, the Cat is one of the more mature and better behaved constellations. ]

[tucky]

Well, you ain't there anymore, are you.

[absentconstellation]

No more are you where you came from.

[tucky]

That don't mean I should change the way I talk.

[absentconstellation]

Precisely.

[ So he's not going to either. ]

[tucky]

... How you talk and how you treat people are different things.

[absentconstellation]

Are they? Some would disagree with you.

[tucky]

I ain't talking about what I say with my words. I'm talking about the words themselves.

[absentconstellation]

Do you truly think that you can separate the two? You asked me once how to befriend those of different stations. Vocabulary is an important component of that.

[tucky]

Maybe I don't wanna be friends with people who would judge me 'cause of my vocabulary.

[absentconstellation]

[ He nods solemnly, as though he isn't the subject of this discussion. ]

A good attitude to have, but everyone makes judgments based on what they observe. Some may focus on it, but many never realize they do it. The words you choose communicate your home, upbringing, how you feel about the person you speak to and what you speak about, your mood, even how hard you've thought about what you say.

[tucky]

I'm proud of my home. I'm okay with communicating that.

[absentconstellation]

As you should be. But you would do well to be aware of the other things, too.

[tucky]

I'm aware. I've always been aware.

[absentconstellation]

Then the way that you speak and the way that you treat people are the same.

[tucky]

No, 'cause that's fucking stupid.

[absentconstellation]

Your choice of words is very telling.

[ You're doing it now, Tiff. ]