♻ 018 | text/video

[tucky]

[filtered to Dillon, Iris, Mason, and Simon]

[Everyone on this filter gets the same message, sent separately.]

Can you come see me? I need to talk to you.

[Then, after a moment, an addition.]

Don't worry its nothing bad.

[video]

[Later, after finishing visiting with and giving her news to the above people, Tiffany sets herself up to make a public announcement. She sits cross-legged on her bed, turns on the recorder... and suddenly realizes that she has no idea how she wants to say this.]

I...

... There's a Bible verse that I like. It goes like this: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

[She isn't reading it off of anything; she's memorized it. Considering the last verse she took the time to memorize was about smiting God's enemies for Him, this is an improvement.]

If you know me much at all you probably know I'm a big believer in God. And when I first learned about Him, it was the best deal I ever heard of. I'd never been a part of anything before; never been in anybody's fold. But here I was, learning about somebody who'd love me, and give me a reason to be - I wanted that, you know? Who wouldn't? Feeling like you're loved is the nicest thing.

But then I came here, and I learned that being loved is only part of what's important. You gotta love back, honestly and truly. And I do. I have met the most amazing people and made the most amazing friends, and I wouldn't trade any of you for anything. I told Dr. Cambridge a while ago that I got a lot of hate in my heart sometimes, and that's true. I used to like showing it around a lot. But on the Barge I learned that I got a lot of love in my heart too, and I like showing that around even more.

So what I really meant to say is that I graduated, and it's 'cause of y'all, and I love you very much. Even the people I don't like I kind of love a little bit right now.

[She almost adds Except Arthas here, but bites her tongue.]

But especially the people I like; the people who have helped me. And some of you feel the same way and some of you don't, and that's okay, because love is not self-seeking and me feeling it is enough.

[Pause.]

I'm gonna stay. I'm gonna be a warden. It's kinda scary to me, but I'm doing it. I don't always like how it is on the Barge and last month I was thinking maybe I'd leave, but... I can't do that. It's like my home, now.

That's all.

[And she ends the feed.]

Comments

[tucky]

Yeah. Surprised, huh? You thought I'd stay an inmate forever?

[irishrotter]

Of course not. I knew you would. I just didn't know it would be this soon.

[tucky]

Me either. I thought it'd take... I don't know. Eight months, maybe. I remember hearing that once.

But it's different for everybody, I know.

[irishrotter]

Eight months? That's oddly specific.

[He smiles slightly, then sobers again, considering her anew.]

You remember what I told you about your second life. You have that, now. What are you going to do with it?

[tucky]

It was like an estimate. An average.

I'm gonna stay here and be a warden, Simon. That's what I want to do.

[irishrotter]

Why?

[He doesn't mean that the way it sounds. It's meant to be sincere, not incredulous. Really, he wants to know: why? She has a whole other life ahead of her now, and no flock to lead as he does.]

[tucky]

Because I love it here. This is where all the people I care about the most are. And I wanna help people, too - help people like I got helped.

Do you think I should go, Simon?

[She's not fishing for him to tell her what to do, or make her decision for her - she's already made up her mind. But she does genuinely want to know what he thinks.]

[irishrotter]

I think... [He hesitates.]</ small>

I think you could if you wanted to. That you're strong enough now. But if you feel called...

[tucky]

It's not just about, like, obligation. It's mostly the other stuff.

[irishrotter]

A calling isn't only about obligation, Tiffany. It's about... purpose.

[He misses that feeling. So much.]

[tucky]

That's still only part of it.

I'm staying 'cause I like the Barge better than my own world.

[irishrotter]

[He frowns a little. Something about that feels... off, but it's not something he can exactly put his finger on yet.]

Because you like living here, or you like what it is we do?

[tucky]

Both.

I got helped here, a lot. I wanna help other people like that, too.

[irishrotter]

[There's something not quite settled in him about that -- her answer -- but he's still not sure what. He lets it go for now, flashing her a lopsided smile.]

Okay. I'm glad I'll get to see a little more of you, anyway. I... haven't quite decided what I'm doing with myself, yet.

[tucky]

Okay.

[She accepts his uncertainty, just as she'd accepted his wanting to go. It wavers a little more, though.]

... Merlin's going. He got his deal, so he's going.

[irishrotter]

He decided that already?

[He's a little surprised... but then again, maybe not. Despite the weighty name, Merlin's never struck him as the most solid of presences on the Barge.]

[tucky]

Yeah.

He has some real important stuff to do back home.