tucky | ♻ 018 | text/video

♻ 018 | text/video

[filtered to Dillon, Iris, Mason, and Simon]

[Everyone on this filter gets the same message, sent separately.]

Can you come see me? I need to talk to you.

[Then, after a moment, an addition.]

Don't worry its nothing bad.

[video]

[Later, after finishing visiting with and giving her news to the above people, Tiffany sets herself up to make a public announcement. She sits cross-legged on her bed, turns on the recorder... and suddenly realizes that she has no idea how she wants to say this.]

I...

... There's a Bible verse that I like. It goes like this: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

[She isn't reading it off of anything; she's memorized it. Considering the last verse she took the time to memorize was about smiting God's enemies for Him, this is an improvement.]

If you know me much at all you probably know I'm a big believer in God. And when I first learned about Him, it was the best deal I ever heard of. I'd never been a part of anything before; never been in anybody's fold. But here I was, learning about somebody who'd love me, and give me a reason to be - I wanted that, you know? Who wouldn't? Feeling like you're loved is the nicest thing.

But then I came here, and I learned that being loved is only part of what's important. You gotta love back, honestly and truly. And I do. I have met the most amazing people and made the most amazing friends, and I wouldn't trade any of you for anything. I told Dr. Cambridge a while ago that I got a lot of hate in my heart sometimes, and that's true. I used to like showing it around a lot. But on the Barge I learned that I got a lot of love in my heart too, and I like showing that around even more.

So what I really meant to say is that I graduated, and it's 'cause of y'all, and I love you very much. Even the people I don't like I kind of love a little bit right now.

[She almost adds Except Arthas here, but bites her tongue.]

But especially the people I like; the people who have helped me. And some of you feel the same way and some of you don't, and that's okay, because love is not self-seeking and me feeling it is enough.

[Pause.]

I'm gonna stay. I'm gonna be a warden. It's kinda scary to me, but I'm doing it. I don't always like how it is on the Barge and last month I was thinking maybe I'd leave, but... I can't do that. It's like my home, now.

That's all.

[And she ends the feed.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Merlin crosses the room and sits down next to her.]

Well, I'm going to hug you now, so you don't need to say anything for that.

[And he's true to his word, and it's sideways and a bit awkward but it's also tight and very heartfelt.]

[She twists around and gives him a hug full-on, just as tight and just as heartfelt.]

[After a moment he relents a little, but not so much as to let her go.]

You're going to be a great warden, Tiffany. I know you are.

[She rests her forehead against his shoulder, sighing.]

I believe you. And I believe in me, too.

That's the most important thing.

[He stills, just for a moment, then pulls back to look her in the face. He can't help but indulge his paranoia just a little.]

I think...I think we should make absolutely sure, before anything else. Before you tell anyone. I don't think you'll have been taken from me, as an inmate, but...just check your device? There ought to be messages you can read now, as a warden.

Okay.

[She pulls it out and starts scrolling.]

I-- yeah. Yeah, there's new stuff here. And there's some old stuff that ain't here anymore - stuff that was on the inmate filter, I guess.

[Merlin smiles, and the remaining tightness in his chest goes loose.]

Perfect. It's official, then.

Yeah, I guess it is.

It's a little scary. A lot scary, actually. I'm probably gonna forget I'm not an inmate sometimes.

You've had a lot longer to get used to it than some people here.

[Not that many people, he gathers, were imprisoned even before the Barge.]

But you'll be fine, and...there's no harm in remembering what it's like to be a prisoner here. It'll help you understand what your own inmate is going through, when you have one.

I never felt much like a prisoner here. But... I won't forget.

Kinda scared I'll get an inmate who I hate, or who hates me.

[He gives that the long moment of silent contemplation it deserves.]

...I think hatred is a choice. When people do things that make you angry, you can use that as a reason to hate them, or you can choose to look for reasons not to.

Iris said one of her inmates once cut off her girlfriend's head and sent it to her. I don't think I could look for reasons beyond that.

[God. Merlin looks a bit grey at that, but presses on as best he can.]

Iris is very...resilient. And I know that's something you've been learning, from her, from everyone, and they'll keep helping you.

[He puts a hand on her shoulder.]

But I don't think you should go assuming the worst right away, Tiffany. Something good has happened to you. You made it happen. Celebrate that, first?

I am.

[And she puts her communicator aside to hug him again.]

I promise, I really am. I'm real proud of myself, and proud of all y'all that helped me.

Good.

[He returns the hug, squeezing her lightly, but when he draws back there's something a little reluctant and regretful in his face.]

...I've spent most of today thinking about what you said last night. About fate, and...how to make something right from the wrong you've done.

[She frowns a little at the expression on his face, but nods.]

Yeah; uh-huh. What about it?

[Merlin takes a breath. He knows she won't like this but it needs to be said.]

...I need to go home. Not today, but...soon. There are things I have to face too.

[She doesn't like it, and it's clear from the way her face falls. But she accepts it.]

When?

This week, I think. I...

[He sighs softly.]

I was running away, when I came here. I don't want to keep doing that any longer.

[This week. She sags against his side a little more.]

You ever gonna come back? Or is it, like, a permanent thing?

I don't know. It depends on what happens at home. If I ever need another deal with the Admiral, I'll return, but...but I hope it never comes to that.

What if I need you?

Then you just remember that I never punished you. I never told you what to do, I never told you that you were wrong. You had help, I know, but at the end of the day you did all this yourself. And you'll keep doing it.

[She reaches up and wipes at her eyes.]

I know. I know I will. But that ain't the same as not needing you.

[Merlin bites his lip. He's a little choked himself, and he hates to see her cry.]

....I know. And you must know I can't really answer you. I'm sorry.

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