♻ 016 | audio

[tucky]

You know, I been wondering. If a girl gets pregnant and kills the baby, how many of y'all consider that murder? It's a real... hot-button issue where I come from, I guess; it's a big deal. There's people who feel so strongly about it that they believe the ones who actually do it - the doctors and stuff, and the people who work for 'em - deserve to die too. And it happens. People will go in and kill somebody like that, and other people will celebrate.

But then there's other people who say it ain't bad at all, 'cause we got rights to our own bodies and nobody should try and take that away. That's sexual liberation, and it's the same thing that says girls should be able to have a lot of sex and not get called sluts and whores. I always liked that part, at least, 'cause I been called those things before and it makes you feel dirty and small. But I knew guys who had way more sex than I did, and they never got called shit. Ever notice that? It's weird, how that happens.

And then there's the whole issue with condoms - which I use now, mostly, when I remember, so I don't need another lecture about that; don't worry. If you're gonna have sex, you're supposed to use 'em, or you end up with that problem I already talked about. But condoms are a real pain - they ain’t sexy or romantic or anything like that. You got to stop and put 'em on, and then you can feel 'em, and… I don’t know, I just like it better without. And I bet I ain't the only one.

It's confusing to think about; all of this is. But it's all tied together.

[warden filter]

I'm sorry for flipping the bird on the warden filter last week. I was mad and I'm still a little mad, but I think I do trust y'all, and I would like my actions not to be held against me. Please. Thank you.

Comments

private;

[tucky]

[She just looks away, shrugging.]

private;

[ichoosefight]

[ Ah. That perhaps did not come out how she wanted it to. ]

Well. You probably didn't have to stay in the hospital as long as I did.

private;

[tucky]

I didn't have it. The baby, I mean.

private;

[ichoosefight]

I kinda figured.

[ Awkard silence woooo. ]

I mean, I don't think there's anything wrong with it, as long as you do it soon enough. But it really is bad for your health.

private;

[tucky]

Especially if you do it more than once, right?

private;

[ichoosefight]

Every time is a chance. The more chances you take, the more likely you are to lose the roll. I don't think anyone's done a study on repeated abortions, though. Or if they have my mom didn't know about it.

private;

[tucky]

I'm not having more. I know that.

private;

[ichoosefight]

Keeping a baby is just as dangerous. I could have died having mine.

private;

[tucky]

Was it because you were young, or was it something else?

private;

[ichoosefight]

Those complications I mentioned.

private;

[tucky]

... You ever get to see your kid?

private;

[ichoosefight]

...No. She has a family, a good family. I gave up my right to mess that up when I gave her up.

private;

[tucky]

And that don't make you sad?

private;

[ichoosefight]

Sad? Yeah. But I know that I made the right choice, and I don't regret my decision.

private;

[tucky]

Did the dad want to keep it?

... I ain't saying it was his choice and not yours, or anything.

private;

[ichoosefight]

Nah, he didn't even know about it until later. He ditched me when the earthquake hit.

private;

[tucky]

That's the worst time to ditch someone. He sounds like a fucking asshole.

private;

[ichoosefight]

Oh, it gets better. When he finally comes back he asks if the baby was his, and when I tell him she's been adopted? He has the gall to tell me that means we can get back together.

I beat him up, and then I never saw him again.

private;

[tucky]

I hope you broke his nose.

private;

[ichoosefight]

I hope I broke his balls.

private;

[tucky]

Or just his whole dick area, like, in general.

private;

[ichoosefight]

I'd be doing the human race a favor. But at least I can sleep at night knowing I got his nose.

private;

[tucky]

You warn other girls about him too, right?

private;

[ichoosefight]

Who could I warn? He dropped out of school and his parents moved. A lot of people had to. New Jersey isn't built for earthquakes.

private;

[tucky]

You're from New Jersey?

I'm from Pennsylvania.