tucky | ♻ 016

You know, I been wondering. If a girl gets pregnant and kills the baby, how many of y'all consider that murder? It's a real... hot-button issue where I come from, I guess; it's a big deal. There's people who feel so strongly about it that they believe the ones who actually do it - the doctors and stuff, and the people who work for 'em - deserve to die too. And it happens. People will go in and kill somebody like that, and other people will celebrate.

But then there's other people who say it ain't bad at all, 'cause we got rights to our own bodies and nobody should try and take that away. That's sexual liberation, and it's the same thing that says girls should be able to have a lot of sex and not get called sluts and whores. I always liked that part, at least, 'cause I been called those things before and it makes you feel dirty and small. But I knew guys who had way more sex than I did, and they never got called shit. Ever notice that? It's weird, how that happens.

And then there's the whole issue with condoms - which I use now, mostly, when I remember, so I don't need another lecture about that; don't worry. If you're gonna have sex, you're supposed to use 'em, or you end up with that problem I already talked about. But condoms are a real pain - they ain’t sexy or romantic or anything like that. You got to stop and put 'em on, and then you can feel 'em, and… I don’t know, I just like it better without. And I bet I ain't the only one.

It's confusing to think about; all of this is. But it's all tied together.

[warden filter]

I'm sorry for flipping the bird on the warden filter last week. I was mad and I'm still a little mad, but I think I do trust y'all, and I would like my actions not to be held against me. Please. Thank you.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Tears prick her eyes when he gets to that last bit.]

That's why it was confusing and hard. Because... they loved me, but they wouldn't've if they'd known. They would've said horrible things about me, and stopped writing me letters and telling me I was important.

I didn't want that, Dillon. I know I have people who love and support me now, but I didn't then, and I wanted to.

You deserved support then, too. But the people who gave it to you were.

Hateful, Tiffany, they only celebrated you because of how much they hated the poor girl you shot, and so many girls like you. That's - not really love. Or not a healthy kind.

I'm not mad at you for wanting it. I did some really messed up things a couple years ago, trying to keep the only person who loved me. It's the kind of thing that makes a person desperate. I'm just really glad you've got people who like the real you now.

Edited 2015-04-26 04:55 (UTC)

... What I got here does feel better than what they gave me. It feels more deep, to me.

Sounds like a pretty good instinct.

You're a part of it. You know, you were the first person who knew who I was, and accepted me. That's never gonna stop being special to me.

[It makes him smile; mostly because it's sincerely heartwarming, but a little bit because it means that on some level, she doesn't recognize how her lawyer treated her - who did know - as acceptance.]

You're pretty special to me, too.

Thank you, Dillon.

♻ 016 | audio

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