tucky | ♻ 004 | video/spam

[video]

[After the first night of intense, violent nightmares, Tiffany appears on the network looking alert and wild-eyed. She hasn't gotten much rest, but she's running on adrenalin, so it's not showing just yet.]

Something ain't right here.

I know-- I know y'all like to talk about death a lot. All the inmates are dead, and we died before we came here, and it's because we are vile sinners that we were brought to the Barge instead of ascending to heaven.

[Absolutely no one she's talked to has used the term "vile sinners"; she's adding that bit in on her own.]

And I didn't believe it then, but now-- I understand now; I do. I do. I'm dead and she killed me. She beat me and killed me; knocked out my teeth and probably snapped my neck. I get it, okay? Library girl, pool guy, and Mason were right! And I was wrong. I understand and accept it. I'm ready. So you can stop; I don't need to see anymore. Don't leave me to rot in purgatory. Please--

[Her voice raises suddenly, to a near-shout.]

-- please, please let me in!

[She takes a long, shaky breath, and when she speaks again her voice is quieter.]

Please.

[spam, all week]

[There is definitely something up with Tiffany.

On the first day, it starts small(ish), with her post to the network. She comes out of her room less often than usual, and doesn't show up for meals (not even lunch with Merlin). By day two, she won't be answering calls or texts with anything but apocalyptic Bible verses. By day three, Bibles will start disappearing from the chapel, and shaky, jagged crosses will appear on her cabin door, carved into the wood. Days four and five are going to get ugly, but it'll be mostly internal, because that's when she'll shut down completely: she won't leave her room or look at her phone, she won't eat, she won't even get out of bed. Every sleeping moment will be plagued by gory, horrific nightmares, and every waking moment will be fraught with confusion, grief, and feelings of betrayal. She'll be traumatized, sleep-deprived, and convinced that she's lost the favor of God...

... But she'll be too bone-tired to fight back anymore.]

[OOC: Permissions post for this character!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Merlin is almost - almost - annoyed with Morgana for sleeping through this. It means the Infirmary is down a hand, and they seem thinly staffed as it is. But he isn't. At all. Because if she can sleep through this without dreaming? God knows what else she deserves, but she deserves that much. The horrors of the past can be no easier to face than the terrors of the future.

Still, his duty takes him from Tiffany longer than he'd like, and when he returns there's the worrying addition of a young woman carving crosses into her cabin door.

He's too far away to tell what she's using to do it, but all the same, he clears his throat from what he considers a safe distance. He's not afraid of her lashing out at him - she, essentially, cannot hurt him - but he doesn't want to make her feel threatened.]

...Tiffany.

[She's using a combination of her iPod earbud plug, and her own fingernails. It doesn't make for very deep marks in the wood, but at least they're visible.

She looks up at Merlin's voice-- face drawn, eyes weary.]

Hey.

Hello.

[He sits down on the floor next to her.]

What are you doing?

[Obviously what she's doing is self-evident, but he's hoping she might furnish some extra detail as to why.]

[Her eyes flicker skyward.]

Trying to earn back His favor.

[Merlin spends a moment trying to contend with this, then reaches into his satchel and starts rummaging.]

May I read you something? I've been doing some studying while I was at work.

[This is pretty much all he was doing in the absence of much else to do, and his research has taken on an extreme singlemindedness. He has on his person a (now, extremely bookmarked) copy of the Bible, and in his room a little pile of assorted study guides which at the moment he's been referring to very selectively.]

[She slows her carving, then stops.]

Okay. You can.

Thank you.

[He has to do some careful flicking through his sticky notes to find what he's after. There's been a few specifics he's been looking at, and this idea that she's been turned on or abandoned somehow? It's one of them.

It feels faintly manipulative to use words he doesn't personally believe, or feel any attachment to, as a basis to try to calm her. But does it matter? It's her book; her faith. She believes it.]

'God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind.' [He looks at her cautiously.] And someone who doesn't lie or change his mind wouldn't suddenly decide that you don't deserve his favour.

What if I never had it?

[That's part of what she's worried about. Her faith is real, but she's insecure in it.]

[This seems easier to answer than her previous concerns because the New Testament seems pretty much suffused with it.]

How can you have never had something that he's given to everyone? That's what it is, isn't it? A gift.

Yeah, it is. But you have to accept it, and... maybe he thinks I haven't accepted it.

I don't know. But when I have those dreams, I don't feel Him in me anymore.

That isn't about you, Tiffany. You feel that way because...

[He fidgets with the book for a moment. He doesn't want to talk about this At All.]

...because you aren't yourself in those dreams. You take on the memories of another person.

It feels like me. The things I have seen...

[She's prone to violence, and has both killed and attempted to kill before. But so many of those dreams are far too much for even her to handle.]

It hurts. In my body and in my soul.

I know.

[He knows because he shares in it. But he won't say so.]

We're being forced by the flood to share each other's deaths. It's terrible. It's cruel. And I know that sometimes it's easier to think that you're being punished and you can earn a reprieve, than it is to accept that some things can't be stopped.

[She leans forward, resting her forehead against her door. Maybe he's right.

But maybe he's not.]

♻ 004 | video/spam

Day 3 Spam

Day 3 Spam

Spam

Spam

Spam

Spam

Spam

Spam

Spam

Spam

Spam

Spam

Spam

Spam