♻ 004 | video/spam

[tucky]

[video]

[After the first night of intense, violent nightmares, Tiffany appears on the network looking alert and wild-eyed. She hasn't gotten much rest, but she's running on adrenalin, so it's not showing just yet.]

Something ain't right here.

I know-- I know y'all like to talk about death a lot. All the inmates are dead, and we died before we came here, and it's because we are vile sinners that we were brought to the Barge instead of ascending to heaven.

[Absolutely no one she's talked to has used the term "vile sinners"; she's adding that bit in on her own.]

And I didn't believe it then, but now-- I understand now; I do. I do. I'm dead and she killed me. She beat me and killed me; knocked out my teeth and probably snapped my neck. I get it, okay? Library girl, pool guy, and Mason were right! And I was wrong. I understand and accept it. I'm ready. So you can stop; I don't need to see anymore. Don't leave me to rot in purgatory. Please--

[Her voice raises suddenly, to a near-shout.]

-- please, please let me in!

[She takes a long, shaky breath, and when she speaks again her voice is quieter.]

Please.

[spam, all week]

[There is definitely something up with Tiffany.

On the first day, it starts small(ish), with her post to the network. She comes out of her room less often than usual, and doesn't show up for meals (not even lunch with Merlin). By day two, she won't be answering calls or texts with anything but apocalyptic Bible verses. By day three, Bibles will start disappearing from the chapel, and shaky, jagged crosses will appear on her cabin door, carved into the wood. Days four and five are going to get ugly, but it'll be mostly internal, because that's when she'll shut down completely: she won't leave her room or look at her phone, she won't eat, she won't even get out of bed. Every sleeping moment will be plagued by gory, horrific nightmares, and every waking moment will be fraught with confusion, grief, and feelings of betrayal. She'll be traumatized, sleep-deprived, and convinced that she's lost the favor of God...

... But she'll be too bone-tired to fight back anymore.]

[OOC: Permissions post for this character!]

Comments

[tucky]

I don't know. God don't go around bringing people back all the time; that's not how it works. And His believers are supposed to go to heaven. Me being here instead means the only person who ever--

[Her voice catches.]

-- ever truly loved me, don't want me in his kingdom.

I know people are saying that ain't true, but I don't see how it can't be. I have been judged, and I have been found wanting.

[bodilesswarrior]

[Oh, honey.

Barbara hesitates, for a moment, because - ]

I'm not that religious, myself. [It's complicated.] I don't want to tell you what God is really like, or what he really wants. I don't think it's my place.

But I know something about fathers. And sometimes - what they feel is best for you isn't what you want. And it'll seem unfair, at first. You might think you disappointed them, they they don't love you any more.

But that's not what's happening. They're doing it because they do love you, because they believe in you, and they want to help you be better. To grow, and learn.

[tucky]

You think he's keeping me out of heaven because he loves me? That-- that don't make any sense, to me.

[bodilesswarrior]

Maybe he doesn't think you're ready, yet. That you've got more to learn, more to see, more to do.

And maybe he figures that, when you go back home, you can make it better.

Barbara did you just paraphrase the Lion King at her

[tucky]

It's gonna be real weird to go back after being here.

LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF, TUCKY

[bodilesswarrior]

Yeah, I know.

...It doesn't have to be your world, though, if you don't want that.

the ciiiiiircle of liiiiiiiife

[tucky]

What do you mean?

and it moves us aaaallll

[bodilesswarrior]

We come from a lot of different places - Gotham, Camelot, planets that are nothing like Earth at all. You could go to any of them.

[tucky]

But that'd be even weirder, right?

[bodilesswarrior]

Probably, but in a different way. You just have to decide which kind of weird you want.

[tucky]

If I leave or stay here, what happens at home? I got a sentence I'm supposed to carry out and everything.

[bodilesswarrior]

I can't say for sure, but I figure - they'll think you died. Well, stayed dead.

[tucky]

I don't know if I want that.

[bodilesswarrior]

You'll figure it out. [Her smile is soft, and encouraging.]

[tucky]

When? How long does that take?

[bodilesswarrior]

That really depends on the person.

You could talk to your Warden about it.

[tucky]

... I like my warden. I wish he could make this stop.

[bodilesswarrior]

Merlin, right? He's a good guy.

He can't make it go away, but he can help you work through it.

[tucky]

He already is. Lots of people are.

[bodilesswarrior]

I'm glad.

You know - being here helped me work through some stuff, too.

[tucky]

Were you an inmate before?

[bodilesswarrior]

No. [A beat, a rueful smirk.] Well - I got demoted when the Barge was taken over, but only for a few days.

But helping people - it tends to be good for you, too.

[tucky]

The Barge got taken over? That can happen?

[bodilesswarrior]

Occasionally.

Honestly - pretty much anything can happen here. We get through it, though. [Most of them, anyway, but she won't mention that bit.]

[tucky]

Because we got each other's backs.

Right?