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♻ 020 | audio/spam
[audio]
[After Mason leaves, Tiffany is sorting through a lot of feelings, but is calm and composed as she addresses the network. Her voice sounds a little bit more rough and hoarse than usual, but that's it. She has some stuff to say - both about Mason, and (belatedly) about her warden.]
I'm glad we picked Paris. Thank you. I'm sad Merlin missed it, but I got to spend a lot of time with Mason before he left, and that was a real good place to do it in.
[Indeed, Mason had been one of the people she'd spent the most time with - Barge residents could easily have spotted the two of them running around the city like idiots, holding hands in the streets and stealing kisses in quiet corners.
They could also have seen Tiffany sitting alone, looking melancholy and keenly feeling the absence of Merlin's company.]
You know, they were good guys, Merlin and Mason. I got a lot of warden friends who I love very much, but I think Merlin was the best one to have been my own warden, and I would never have wanted to trade him away. We were real perfect together; we were two peas in a pod. I know my graduating's got a lot to do with me, but I never would've done it so fast without him. And Mason... Mason was like no guy I have ever been with before. Guys from where I'm from don't treat me bad, but Mason was sweet and charming and romantic and I might never have that again, so I'm glad I got to have that experience here. He was a good experience. Both of 'em were good experiences. And I don't regret either of 'em; not for a single second. It's real easy for me to love people, when they treat me right - and they did. They did.
[She clears her throat abruptly, like she's trying to get rid of a cough; she's starting to get teary and it shows in her voice, so she decides to just end it there.]
Okay, I'm done; that's all I got to say.
[Click. She won't completely fall apart or try to isolate herself, but she'll be walking around in a fog for a little bit, and will spend more time than usual holed up in her room. And later some filters are added, one after the other, with a few hours separating them.]
[filtered to Dillon, Iris, and Simon]
Hey, you guys doing okay?
[It's very similar to what she'd said when Merlin, Sha-infected, had told her he was going to unpair from her. The circumstances are different, but the end result is the same. Her little core group is now two men down, and her instinct is to pull the rest in even tighter.]
[filtered to Allison, Barbara, Bucky, Elena, Iris, Letty, Morgana, and Tig]
[Everyone on this filter is someone she knows is a friend of either Mason or Merlin. She hesitates before making it, not sure what she should say or even if she wants to say anything at all - but in the end, she says this.]
I'm supposed to be working on doing better at thinking about other people and their feelings, and caring about 'em even when they ain't giving me nothing for it. And I guess I'm succeeding at it, since I graduated and all.
So I just wanna say that I know it ain't just about me. I know y'all suffered a loss too, and I'm real sorry about that.
[filtered to Crowley]
pub?
[/filtered to Crowley]
[telepathic message to Jean]
[After discovering that the telepathic chip doesn't work while she's in her cabin (even after five months and a graduation, she's still only vaguely aware of the SA Filters and what they do), Tiffany heads out to the Level 6 common room closest to her end of the hallway. There, she curls up in one of the big armchairs and broadcasts out one emotion: sadness.]
[spam]
[Tiffany will continue to show up to everything she's supposed to, including meals in the dining hall (sometimes she sits alone, other times she spots a friendly face and joins them) and her work in the infirmary (where - unless someone is hurt or needs attention - she can mostly be found sorting through supplies and keeping the clinic area neat). She heads out onto the deck most evenings, where she breaks her habit of hugging the side of the Barge and sitting on the safe, solid floor - she stands right at the railing, looking out at the stars.
She starts out taking all this about as well as can be expected - she's down in the dumps, but she knows life will go on. Then she begins to find herself wandering through the hallways on levels 4 and 7, hesitating in front of 4-19 and and 7-11 - Mason and Merlin's old rooms, respectively. Their doors are blank now, of course, but that doesn't stop her from standing in front of them for minutes at a time, like she's waiting for someone to come out. As the days go on, this becomes more and more common, and her stops become longer and longer. Eventually, they'll start lasting for hours. She won't connect it to her use of the Admiral powers or any other outside influences right away, but for anyone else that does, she's clearly very, very affected. Her loss of her friends and the Barge's loss of its inmates have become inexorably linked in her mind, and it's quickly turning into an obsessive fixation.]
[After Mason leaves, Tiffany is sorting through a lot of feelings, but is calm and composed as she addresses the network. Her voice sounds a little bit more rough and hoarse than usual, but that's it. She has some stuff to say - both about Mason, and (belatedly) about her warden.]
I'm glad we picked Paris. Thank you. I'm sad Merlin missed it, but I got to spend a lot of time with Mason before he left, and that was a real good place to do it in.
[Indeed, Mason had been one of the people she'd spent the most time with - Barge residents could easily have spotted the two of them running around the city like idiots, holding hands in the streets and stealing kisses in quiet corners.
They could also have seen Tiffany sitting alone, looking melancholy and keenly feeling the absence of Merlin's company.]
You know, they were good guys, Merlin and Mason. I got a lot of warden friends who I love very much, but I think Merlin was the best one to have been my own warden, and I would never have wanted to trade him away. We were real perfect together; we were two peas in a pod. I know my graduating's got a lot to do with me, but I never would've done it so fast without him. And Mason... Mason was like no guy I have ever been with before. Guys from where I'm from don't treat me bad, but Mason was sweet and charming and romantic and I might never have that again, so I'm glad I got to have that experience here. He was a good experience. Both of 'em were good experiences. And I don't regret either of 'em; not for a single second. It's real easy for me to love people, when they treat me right - and they did. They did.
[She clears her throat abruptly, like she's trying to get rid of a cough; she's starting to get teary and it shows in her voice, so she decides to just end it there.]
Okay, I'm done; that's all I got to say.
[Click. She won't completely fall apart or try to isolate herself, but she'll be walking around in a fog for a little bit, and will spend more time than usual holed up in her room. And later some filters are added, one after the other, with a few hours separating them.]
[filtered to Dillon, Iris, and Simon]
Hey, you guys doing okay?
[It's very similar to what she'd said when Merlin, Sha-infected, had told her he was going to unpair from her. The circumstances are different, but the end result is the same. Her little core group is now two men down, and her instinct is to pull the rest in even tighter.]
[filtered to Allison, Barbara, Bucky, Elena, Iris, Letty, Morgana, and Tig]
[Everyone on this filter is someone she knows is a friend of either Mason or Merlin. She hesitates before making it, not sure what she should say or even if she wants to say anything at all - but in the end, she says this.]
I'm supposed to be working on doing better at thinking about other people and their feelings, and caring about 'em even when they ain't giving me nothing for it. And I guess I'm succeeding at it, since I graduated and all.
So I just wanna say that I know it ain't just about me. I know y'all suffered a loss too, and I'm real sorry about that.
[filtered to Crowley]
pub?
[/filtered to Crowley]
[telepathic message to Jean]
[After discovering that the telepathic chip doesn't work while she's in her cabin (even after five months and a graduation, she's still only vaguely aware of the SA Filters and what they do), Tiffany heads out to the Level 6 common room closest to her end of the hallway. There, she curls up in one of the big armchairs and broadcasts out one emotion: sadness.]
[spam]
[Tiffany will continue to show up to everything she's supposed to, including meals in the dining hall (sometimes she sits alone, other times she spots a friendly face and joins them) and her work in the infirmary (where - unless someone is hurt or needs attention - she can mostly be found sorting through supplies and keeping the clinic area neat). She heads out onto the deck most evenings, where she breaks her habit of hugging the side of the Barge and sitting on the safe, solid floor - she stands right at the railing, looking out at the stars.
She starts out taking all this about as well as can be expected - she's down in the dumps, but she knows life will go on. Then she begins to find herself wandering through the hallways on levels 4 and 7, hesitating in front of 4-19 and and 7-11 - Mason and Merlin's old rooms, respectively. Their doors are blank now, of course, but that doesn't stop her from standing in front of them for minutes at a time, like she's waiting for someone to come out. As the days go on, this becomes more and more common, and her stops become longer and longer. Eventually, they'll start lasting for hours. She won't connect it to her use of the Admiral powers or any other outside influences right away, but for anyone else that does, she's clearly very, very affected. Her loss of her friends and the Barge's loss of its inmates have become inexorably linked in her mind, and it's quickly turning into an obsessive fixation.]
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I don't know. Nothing. Why?
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[Firm, harsh.]
What the hell are you doing?
[It can't be nothing. She can't be doing nothing.]
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How long is this going to last?
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[Because it wasn't that. It wasn't that at all, though he can all too easily see how people could take that away from conversations with him.]
Second of all, there's a difference between things hurting a lot and moping uselessly in a hallway for hours at a time.
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[Except she is and she knows it.]
But it feels wrong; there's something weird going on.
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Instead:]
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
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[It means there's an extra ache beyond just missing them, and she's not sure why; it means she wonders if maybe they're going to change their minds and come back.
But she would feel silly saying that out loud, because she isn't sure it's not just coming from her selfish little heart.]
I don't get why it matters to you.
I just miss them.
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Missing people isn't weird. What's weird about it?
[But it's less sharp this time, like maybe he thinks she really is just exaggerating now.]
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I feel like the Barge didn't want them to go.
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How? Why?
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Why did you say it that way?
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Think. Be specific, even if it sounds stupid.
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...Are you over that now?
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I don't know what you're talking about. You're not making any sense to me right now.
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But he can't stop it if it's going to happen, and better now than later. When he speaks again his voice is lower but not gentler, less harsh but no warmer. The best Dean has to offer people who are about to break apart is being as steady as he knows how to be, and then a little more.]
Listen.
You're allowing yourself to be upset.
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[She looks more confused at that than anything else.]
What's wrong with being upset? I got feelings.
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Being upset isn't something you can change. What you do with it is.
And what you're doing with it right now is letting it eat you alive.
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